For the most part, the news absolutely sucks. Every story these days seems to be about what Trump ate for lunch or some scare tactic piece that you wish you remained ignorant to, like “Ice cream causes cancer” or some shit like that. Objective journalism is dead, and most anchors should be more accurately described as political activists instead of journalists. Without hyperbole, I would rather watch puppies drown than actually sit and watch a full news broadcast, so like most normal people, I rely on social media to keep me in the loop. Although annoying news stories like the examples that I listed above still manage to trickle through on social media platforms too, social media is where the majority of awesome news stories are distributed to the masses. A good example of this is a story out of Arkansas right now that is going somewhat viral, and for good reason. 2 men from Benton County Arkansas were arrested last week when police say they took turns shooting at each other while wearing a bullet proof vest after one too many drinks.

The cliff notes are as follows. 2 guys spent the night getting hammered, and once they were nice and intoxicated, they decided to play around with a gun (As is tradition in Arkansas). They then got even drunker, and decided the only logical thing to do at that point was to take turns putting on a bullet proof vest and shooting at each other. Things were going great until one of the bullets ended up piercing the armor, and it caused one of them to have to go to the hospital. That’s how the cops found out about all of this, and then they arrested both of them. I’m not a lawyer, but consentually shooting at each other doesn’t seem illegal to me, so I hope these charges get dropped so these 2 upstanding citizens can get back to contributing to society. Are you telling me you can’t even get shitfaced with your buddy and shoot at eachother for fun? I’m sorry, I thought this was America.

Now as you can probably imagine, I’ve done my fair share of stupid shit while drunk. I mean hell, I’ve talked about plenty of them on here. I’ve gotten my ass kicked, I’ve almost gotten arrested a few times, but I’ve never (Or at least I don’t remember) put on a bullet proof vest and asked somebody to shoot me. That is some next level drunken shenanigans that my friends and I have unfortunately never achieved, but there’s still time. Most of my friends have their FID card anyway, so it’s only a matter of time before one of them gets a bullet proof vest too, thus starting our new pregame tradition of unloaded clips into eachother. Nothing says fun like having your intoxicated friend shoot you point blank with a Glock, putting all of your faith in the Kevlar vest you’re wearing. I sound like I’m kidding, but get enough drinks flowing, and I know a few people that would actually do this. You know that expression, “Show me who your friends are and I’ll show who you are?”. Well my friends are fucking retarded, so I guess I am too by association.

Bridging out from that, I guess the only comparable thing stupidity wise that I’ve done while drunk was back in college, and I think most people would share that sentiment. My friend’s girlfriend used to carry a taser in her purse, and one night we played the card game Asshole. We decided to incorporate her taser into the game, and after every round the President got to tase the Asshole. Now I have very shit luck when it comes to Asshole (No pun intended), so I was essentially sitting in an electric chair that night given the amount of volts that went through my body. And while this was undoubtably stupid, it seems like Will Hunting solving complex math equations compared to what these Arkansas guys were up to.

No matter how dumb I think (And Know) that I am, there is always dumber, and stories such as this serve as the much needed reminders to drive that point home. As I said before, the list of stupid shit I’ve engaged in after some drinks is not short by any means. That being said, I’ve never willingly asked my friend to shoot me. Although maybe this weekend will be the weekend that I finally take one too many shots, stop being such a pussy, and I ask somebody to shoot me directly in the chest. I mean, it has to be an awesome feeing of invincibility Having a bullet essentially bounce off of you like you’re a comic book superhero. Only time will tell if I follow through with this plan, so if you don’t hear from me ever again, just know that I died doing what I loved: Unbelievably stupid things while drunk.

PS: This story not happening in Florida is a shocker to say the least. This headline was tailor made for rural Florida.