My lack of blogs on here has likely become apparent to the 2 or 3 of you that consistently read this blog. Being the noble guy that all of you have come to love, respect, and hope your daughter will marry (Or at the very least have sex with) over the past year or so that I’ve had this blog, I figured I owed you guys an update on the sequence of days that I’ve come to refer to as “My life”.
After an extended post grad period of sitting around drinking and not much else, I finally decided to take some big boy steps and make the inevitable leap into the full time workforce. Previously I had been bartending a few nights a week, and although it did allow me to fuck around a lot and have more time to write up my drunken rants on here, I knew I needed a change. I had essentially become as sedentary as a rock, and after feeling moss begin to grow all over myself from lack of motion, I knew I had to make “Money moves” as Cardi B would say.
I hinted at it in my library blog and my affirmative action blog, but I began the job hunt a little while ago. Apparently my resume wasn’t exactly impressive, and I have a nagging suspicion that HR departments were using my resume as toilet paper. I came to realize that job search wise, I had the hunting skills of Elmer Fudd, and a new career was the “wabbits” (sic) I was looking for. Just when I thought I was down for the count, I met my knight in shining armor while bartending one day. It was a slow day shift and nobody was in the bar. Thankfully a Family Feud marathon was on to keep me entertained, and I must add that I was fucking killing it with my answers to every question. Anyway, a woman in her 40’s came in and started slugging margaritas like her plane was going down. I’m gonna go ahead and omit her name and company because I think getting shitfaced during your lunch break might be frowned upon. We got to talking, and turns out she’s a lead HR rep for a large company downtown that I’d coincidentally been meaning to apply to. We basically had an impromptu interview right then and there and I told her a little about me, where I went to school etc. I don’t know if it was her genuine belief in me or the strong margaritas I was feeding her, but she unofficially offered me a job on the spot. I’m gonna assume it was the liquor, because at one point I’m pretty sure she was DTF. This also makes sense because she essentially sexually harasses me at work via touching me and her use of frequent inappropriate jokes, but I let it slide because I’m not a pussy and she’s a total MILF that I’m pretty sure got divorced recently. Either way, I was fucking thrilled because I fell ass backwards into a full time office gig.
So how exactly does this relate to why I haven’t been blogging? Well I’ll tell ya why. I’ve been crushing 8-6 shifts for a few weeks now because they’re putting me through an accelerated training process for my position, and to put it simply, I have no free time. I mean, I do I guess, but I can’t blog at work. This is especially tantalizing for me because I literally sit at a computer for 10 hours a day. But they monitor all of my internet use and whatnot, and given the fact that I’m new, I probably shouldn’t be blogging about random shit while I’m clocked in. And once I clock out, I clock out both physically and mentally. Lately I’ve had the energy levels of a solar powered car that’s sitting in a garage with no direct sunlight. By the time I get home, all I want to do is have a few beers and watch the Celtics carry out their regular season tradition of blowing large leads. It sounds ridiculous, but I’m so tired after work that even the thought of writing a blog seems like too much of a hassle. My schedule has become go to work, come home, scream at my TV because I had Celtics -9.5 and they only won by 9, jerk off, and go to bed. Being an adult sucks.
So, yeah. That’s why I haven’t been posting on here as much recently. While I’m settling in at this new company I have to do my best acting job to convince these people I’m a hardworking, smart individual, and not the actual alcoholic, degenerate gambler that I am. It sucks because I do love writing about the dumb shit that goes on in my brain, but fear not everybody: I am officially announcing my comeback tour. What I mean by that is I’m gonna try my best to start posting at the frequency I was before. At the very least, I’ll be posting my Shuffle Songs Of The Day again starting next week, along with any other blogs I write on my lunch break or on the weekends. Me, Budd, and Brent also recently started a podcast, There Will Be Pod, that is another great way for me to kill 2 birds with 1 stone and talk about things that I normally would have blogged about, but just didn’t have the time. Well that’s all for now, and I just wanted to give you that update. I’m a working man now and unfortunately it cut into my blogging time a little bit, but that’s about to change. Backstreet’s back? No, Drunk White Kid’s back!