I love Massachusetts. We have dominant sports teams, great seafood, and a surplus of Dunkin Donuts locations. If you know your US history, you know that the United States quite literally started here when the pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, so you’re welcome to everybody else that lives in different states. I’ve lived here my entire life and I wouldn’t want it any other way, but our politicians are about as useful as screen doors on a submarine. When they aren’t busy raising taxes or giving themselves bonuses, they tend to set their sights on stupid things that need no addressing. The stupid task at hand this time involves our state’s tobacco laws. Beginning yesterday, the minimum age to buy any tobacco products in Massachusetts is now 21. This new bill also prohibits pharmacies from selling any tobacco products, as well as bans vapes and e-cigs on all school campuses and anywhere that smoking isn’t allowed. I feel as if I’m stating the obvious here, but that is fucking retarded.

Let it be known that I’m not even a frequent tobacco user. I haven’t dipped since middle school, and I only drill butts when I’m shitfaced and one is offered to me. However, I still have a problem with this because it’s so stupid and happening where I live. Smoking is bad for you, and I think everybody with a brain knows that, but do we really need to make the age requirement to buy tobacco equivalent to our country’s already ridiculous alcohol laws? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you become an adult at 18. That means you can legally do things like move out on your own, have sex for money on camera, and wear camo while getting shot at by terrorists in a country most people couldn’t point out on a map. You can do all of those things, but apparently you aren’t responsible enough to decide if you should smoke or not. It’s such ass backwards thinking and I’ll never understand it. When did people become so submissive and eager to let the government control every aspect of our lives? You aren’t protecting anybody by raising the age. You’re just making an unnecessary adjustment that will only result in convenience stores making less money. The thought of 18-20 year olds having to use a fake ID to buy a pack of cigarettes is ridiculous. What’s next? Should we raise the age to play the lottery to 21 too? How about also making it 21 to buy Mountain Dew because all of that sugar isn’t good for you? Before you know it, you won’t be able to anything until you’re 90 years old, and I’m nervous that those ideas are probably on their way to being implemented. For better or worse, let people make their own decisions on what they put in their bodies. No douchebag in a suit on Capitol Hill should be telling any other adult if they can smoke or not. Everybody that smokes is still going to smoke, so lets chill out with pointless laws and focus on more important things like wiping my gambling debt clean or convincing Ariana Grande to give me a sloppy blowjob. This shit makes me want to start smoking out of spite. If you’ll excuse me, I’m about to go buy a pack of marb reds and give myself cancer.