Do you ever see somebody get rich or famous by doing something so simple or stupid that it makes you want to make a bowl of cyanide soup? Well that’s how I feel most days, but especially today. In a world filled with Kardashians and that “Cash me outside” girl, it’s tough to look at these talentless millionaires and not get a little jealous. Well I just saw a more local example of this today, as an artist from Maine might be getting her own reality TV show on TNT. There are millions of artists out there, so what makes this lady so special? Well what makes her stand out is her medium, and that medium is moose shit.

You can read the full story here,   but basically this woman named Mary Winchenbach from Maine has made a bit of a name for herself up north with her unique artwork. Alongside her wife, they make various items out of moose shit under the business title Tirdy Works. Winchenbach has become colloquially known as “The Moose Turd Lady”, which is about as to the point a nickname as you can have. Her popularity and possible TV deal came after a video of her selling her artwork went viral, and according to the article, she makes everything from ornaments to clocks out of moose shit. Maybe it’s just my city slicker mentality talking here, but I don’t understand the appeal of willingly paying money for products made out of an animal’s shit. I mean, having a clock in my house made entirely out of something that came out of a moose’s asshole just doesn’t sound like a good purchase to me. Seeing as it’s a grassroots operation, I have a nagging suspicion that all of the products would be overpriced as well. So now we’re talking about overpriced items made from moose turds that she picked up? Count me out.

I know it sounds like I’m hating on this idea, but this is all really coming from a state of envy. I’m just jealous that this lady is about to profit from picking up moose poop and selling it to hippies and tourists. Why aren’t I coming up with schemes like this? Probably because I’m lazy and stupid, but still. I know I live in the city and don’t have access to moose droppings like this lady does, so I guess I’ll just have to improvise. Boston has a lot of rats, so my business plan is to grab my old air rifle from the basement and start shooting like a weird, bullied kid at his high school. Once I’ve collected enough rat carcasses, I’ll start making fur coats out of them and I’ll sell them downtown. By my estimation, I’ll be a millionaire by 2020. I never thought I’d say this, but thank God my neighborhood is infested with rats.

PS: While doing a little moose shit related research, I came across this person in Alaska that sells moose shit over the internet. Doesn’t even make products out of it or anything, just sends you a package of moose shit for the bargain price of $14.95. I guess the point is to send it to somebody else as a prank, but this scheme might be even better than the Maine thing. This guy is literally just picking up moose shit, putting it in a box, and sending it to people for profit. I don’t like it, I LOVE IT. If you don’t believe me, here it is.I really wish I saw this link before Christmas because it would have really helped out with getting my shopping done.