Is There Anything More Boring Than A Power Outage?

“Only boring people get bored” is an old saying that I love and have mentioned on here a few times before. The reason why I love this quote is because I’ve always thought of myself as somebody that never really gets bored. When you take my brain’s ability to constantly ponder random, stupid things and combine it with the constant racing thoughts I have from what are most likely a collection of undiagnosed mental health disorders, it’s easy to see why it’s tough for me to ever settle down and get bored because I’m always fixated on something. This is how I’ve always felt, but that all changed today.

Massachusetts had some bad storms last night and into this morning, and because of the rain and strong winds, my power has been out all day. To put it lightly, I haven’t been taking it well. This is basically what I’ve looked like for past 9 hours

Once I realized the power was out and I likely couldn’t work today, I thought about going back to bed. Unfortunately the power went out right as I was finishing my morning cup of coffee, so I knew I was in it for the long haul

We all try to pretend that technology isn’t the only thing keeping us entertained and functioning, but a brief power outage is all it takes to expose that as complete bullshit.

Not having electricity today has left me feeling like a crackhead that’s fiending for a fix. I keep trying to turn the TV on every 30 minutes, knowing that it won’t work. Anytime I enter a room, I instinctually flick the light switch on, even though it doesn’t make a difference

For fucks sake, I can’t even distract myself with work because my desktop doesn’t have power and I don’t have battery or wifi for my laptop. So instead of working today, I get the pleasure of knowing I’m wasting valuable PTO time because of a stupid power outage

As a possible way of calming me down from these frustrations, I attempted the tried and true method of masturbating, but it was a disaster. Turns out doing the deed without porn is a lot harder than I thought, but not hard in the right places if you catch my drift. This is what I looked like trying to think up some erotic things like I was 12 years old again

But unlike Jimmy Neutron, I didn’t have a brain blast (or a blast of any sort), so I threw in the towel after a depressing and weird 30 minutes of trying

Some of you might be thinking to yourself that surely I’ve had some experience with power outages before from North East weather, so this shouldn’t be anything new. That’s true, but this one is different. For starters, most of the power outages I’ve had before this happened during the winter and when other people are home. This leads to day drinking, board games etc., but this time around there’s none of that. I’m just pacing back and forth inside of my house, staring at the walls, and allowing my sanity levels to bear similarities to Jack Nicholson in The Shining. I feel bad for the first person that comes home today, because I might end up greeting them the same way he greeted Hallorann

As annoying as everything I talked about above has been, by far the worst part of today was that the power didn’t just stay off completely; it came back on about 3 or 4 times for a minute or so, and then went back down. The lights, fan, TV etc. would turn back on for a second, I’d get excited and think that my boredom was over, and then it would go back down again. Fuck. That. It was like repeatedly seeing a mirage while I was stranded in the desert; only there to taunt me and fill me with false hope. The Electricity Gods certainly have a sick sense of humor, and I would have rather had the power just stay down completely than be tantalized like that over and over.

After what felt like a month of sitting on my couch twiddling my thumbs, the power finally came back on about an hour ago. I’m making up for lost time by listening to music, watching TV, and writing this blog all at the same time. I’m also scrolling through every social media app at lightning speed because I had to conserve my screen time today to save battery. Hell, I might go turn on random appliances just because I can. I was deprived of electricity all day, so it’s only right that I relapse properly and binge as much as I can in a short period of time. Ask any addiction counselor and they’ll agree with me. Not really, but really.

And to answer the question I asked in the title of this blog: No, there is nothing more boring than a power outage. If I had a can of paint, I would have painted the walls just so I could watch it dry. THATS how bored I was today.

Count your blessings folks, and just be glad you didn’t spend your day as bored as I was


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