In the world of golf, there have been plenty of incredible putts over the years. Tiger Woods’ 91 footer at TPC Sawgrass back in 2014 comes to mind, as does my equally impressive downslope birdie putt on my cousins’s bachelor party last October
Up until this point, I (unbiasedly) thought those were the 2 greatest putts in the history of golf. But earlier today, I saw a video that might give Tiger and I a run for our money
First and foremost, incredible putt. As a man of due diligence, I did some research (read some tweets) and learned that this was technically a 94 foot putt. When you add in the fact he hit this in front of a stadium of people and on a hardwood floor, it adds to the impressiveness. We’ve all played mini golf before, so you know how quick and unorthodox the ball moves when you fuck up and hit it onto the concrete. That’s essentially what happened here, so I can’t knock the putt
All that being said, was it better than the putts that Tiger and I made? I’ve crunched the numbers and polled thousands of people, and they all agree this was better than Tiger’s putt. Tiger, I’m sorry to break the news so publicly, but the people have spoken. You can’t argue with facts like that, nor can you make this kinda thing up
Which brings us to the important question: Was this putt better than my INCREDIBLE birdie putt last October? (Did I mention it was downslope?) As you can see from the tweet, this Auburn kid’s stakes were pretty high. A new car was on the line, which kinda sucks as a prize. Give me cash over a car, but that’s neither here or there
Anyway, as high of stakes as he had, I would argue, objectively, that my stakes were way higher. The bachelor party golf scramble is the PGA Tour for people that suck at golf, and winning the scramble gives you bragging rights for the whole weekend. Hell, for eternity. When I hit that birdie putt (did I mention it was downslope?), I knew history had been made. The sky opened up and the stars aligned. The claps and cheers of my scramble partners could be heard throughout the Greater Savannah Area. And if I wasn’t so drunk at the time, I would have coated the inside of my boxers with cum. In the future, I will be on my death bed surrounded by a wife and kids, and when asked what my proudest accomplishment in life was, I’ll use my last breaths of air to bring up that putt one last time before I flatline
So to answer the question I’m sure millions of people have on their mind right now: No. This kid’s putt was not better than mine. As impressive as it was, nothing will ever top the athletic excellence I showed on hole 15 of Bacon Park Golf Course in Savannah, GA last October. The fact ESPN hasn’t approached me for a 30 For 30 yet is a crime against humanity, but there’s still plenty of time
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