As far as situations with 2 possible outcomes go, bomb scares are about as all-or-nothing as it can get. On one end of the spectrum, it ends up being fake, like they usually are, and nothing happens besides a huge waste of time and money for everybody involved. But on the other end, it turns out to be a real bomb that explodes, causing a ton of damage while killing and injuring a lot of people in the process. Talk about polar opposite outcomes, huh?

A recent story out of Tuscaloosa, Alabama is what got me thinking about bomb scares today. You can read the full story here, but all you really need to know is that Tuscaloosa Police received a 911 call for 2 suspicious packages that sitting on the front steps of a courthouse. With this being a federal courthouse, they immediately expected the worst and dispatched the bomb squad, only for them to discover that the “suspicious packages” was actually just a large delivery order of Taco Bell

Now look, I get the whole “See something, say something” mantra, but COME ON. Somebody actually thought the items in that picture above were bombs? A time traveler from the 1800s could stumble out of time machine in a stupor, having no conceptual understanding of modern food delivery or what Taco Bell is, and even they wouldn’t look at that and think it’s a bomb

However, mistaking the Taco Bell order for a bomb somehow isn’t even the craziest part of the story, to me at least. The most ridiculous part of this story is that somebody ordered Taco Bell at 8 in the morning. What the fuck is going on here? I’m a disgusting person with a diet so unhealthy it leaves me having diarrhea more often than not, and even I’m not pulling a stunt like this. The moral bankruptcy that’s required to order this much Taco Bell that early in the day is just as impressive as it is reprehensible. Thankfully, this entire situation all conveniently happened played out at a courthouse, because whoever put in this breakfast order of Taco Bell needs to stand trial immediately

As far as false alarms go, this truly might be the most false alarm in the history of both falsehoods and alarms. You’d rather be safe than sorry, sure, but whoever made that 911 call needs to book an eye exam ASAP

Luckily for all parties involved, police confirmed that the Taco Bell was disposed of in a dumpster out back. This was a smart move for everybody in the vicinity’s safety, because had this large order of 8 AM Taco Bell reached its intended destination, there would have been some real bombs going off in those courthouse bathrooms all day long

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