I Can’t Stop Thinking About That Golden Corral Fight

On October 26th, 1881, one of the most famous gun battles in US History took place in Tombstone, Arizona. The Earp Brothers, along with Doc Holliday and a few other law enforcement officials, loaded up their weapons and went to the center of town, where they then confronted a group of outlaws called The Cochise County Cowboys (whose name just so happened to sound like a dominant, state championship winning high school football team from Texas). The gun battle itself only lasted 30 seconds, but that was all that was needed for it to cement its place in history. This brief Old Western skirmish would become known as The Gunfight at the O.K. Corral

Victor Clyde Forsythe - Art of the West

For the next 141 years, The Gunfight at the OK Corral would remain the unequivocal most interesting fight to ever occur at a place with corral in its name, but that all changed recently. Much to the dismay of The Earp Brothers, and pardon the pun, there’s a new sheriff in town when it comes to iconic battles at corral-named places. “Where?”, you might ask be asking yourselves. Well, my friends, look no further than some random Golden Corral restaurant in Pennsylvania

I’m a simple man with simple entertainment principles, so if I see a viral video of a massive fight between some of the trashiest people this country has to offer happening at a chain restaurant, it automatically puts a smile on my face. But somehow, this fight is special. It’s been over a week now, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve gone back and watched this video over and over again, reviewing it as if I was an investigative reporter breaking down the Zapruder Film. Truth be told, I’ve even woken up in the middle of the night laughing about it on more than one occasion

There is just so much to laugh about here. The general absurdity of 40 people having a brawl in the middle of a restaurant. The repeated “OH SHIT!”exclamations from the guy taking the video. The child booster seats being thrown across the restaurant as if they were some sort of artillery weapons. And to top it all off, this is happening at a fucking GOLDEN CORRAL. Just laugh out loud funny from whatever angle you wanna look at it

I did some snooping around, and apparently this whole thing started because they ran out of steaks, which brings with it even more questions than answers. For starters, Who the fuck is ordering steak at Golden Corral? And before anybody accuses me of having a boujee palate, I had chips and salsa for lunch today, so those accusations can stop right there

I know that humanity has been fighting stupid internal conflicts forever, but we’re fighting about a steak shortage at Golden Corral now? This is why the aliens gave up on us a while ago, and I don’t blame them.

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