The Covid Vaccine Side Effects Are Kicking My Ass

As I sit in front of my work computer with a splitting headache, feeling like shit overall, and counting down the minutes until work ends and the fun begins, I can’t help but feel a little antsy. Memorial Day Weekend is so close, that I can almost taste it

Now most of you probably assume my headache and whatnot is because I’m hungover, and although that’s a fair guess, not this time. I actually feel like shit because I got the Covid vaccine yesterday, and in short, it is kicking my ass

I’ve hinted at it before that I, personally, didn’t see the point of getting the vaccine as a somewhat healthy 25 year old who, chances are, has already been exposed to Covid and didn’t even know. But with Massachusetts opening back up tomorrow and my job twisting my arm about being vaccinated for when we come back to the office soon, I decided to bend the knee and I got the J&J shot yesterday

Well, safe to say it’s been all downhill since that needle went in and out of my arm yesterday, but being the generous guy that I am, I’ve decided to turn my suffering over the past 24 hours into a blog that I hope you guys enjoy

I guess I’ll start at the pharmacy. I’m sure most people got the vaccine at a legitimate pharmacy like Walgreens or Rite Aid, but I don’t play by those rules. I felt like the wait list for those places might be long and they only have Pfizer for the most part around me, and seeing as I wanted the one-and-done of J&J, this wasn’t an option for me

A friend of mine told me that this tiny pharmacy a few blocks away from us was doing it with no appointments, quick check-in, in-and-out kinda deal. Now that’s more like it. When he told me what pharmacy it was, I died laughing

The place in question is this tiny Asian pharmacy with a very checkered past. For example, they got caught selling oxys without a prescription when I was in highschool. Yet no matter how many health code violations or laws they break, they always seem to stay in business. Their legal team must be made up of Maurice Levy, Saul Goodman, and the ghost of Johnny Cochran or someshit, because they beat cases like it’s going out of style

Anyway, this place offered exactly what the sign in the window (which was written in sharpie, by the way) said: Covid Vaccine Site, No Appt. Necessary. I couldn’t believe it, but I was in and out in about 30 minutes, including the 15 minutes they make you wait after the shot to make sure you don’t have any bad reactions and die on the pharmacy floor. “Well that was easy”, I thought to myself, having no idea what shitty odyssey I was about to embark on

Before I get into my first side effect, I want to talk about bandaids for a second. I don’t know what it is about bandaids that you get from a doctor’s office or pharmacy, but they are WAY too sticky. I went to take my bandaid off my arm yesterday and it was pretty much superglued to me. I finally ripped it (and some skin) off and immediately started crying. Okay not really, but it did hurt like a motherfucker and I felt like I should be sent here

Anyway, this brings us into the first side effect I noticed:

1. I Lost My Appetite

Now this first one is a little up in the air on if it was actually from the Covid vaccine, but for now, I’m gonna say it is. The reason I say up in the air is because my appetite is a very fickle bitch as is. Some days I’m so hungry that I eat like a prisoner who just escaped from their captive’s basement after weeks without food, and the first thing they did was run to McDonald’s, order everything on the menu, and eat it as fast as possible. I believe they call this binge eating, and similar to another habit of mine, binge drinking, shit happens (this time literally)

But other times I have zero appetite, and I “eat” like a panicked bride 3 days before her wedding who completely stops eating because she’s nervous that she won’t fit into her dress. What I’m trying to say is that when it comes to my appetite, there is no in between. I’m an all or nothing kinda guy

This brings us into my next side effect

2. I Started Feeling Stiff

Like I said before, I had no appetite. I tried eating, but attempting to shove food in my mouth was like trying to stuff a marshmallow into a coin slot. My arm was starting to hurt at this point from the shot, so I figured I should play some video games to try to forget about it. But as I sat down playing Warzone with some friends, my legs got really achey and stiff out of nowhere. I was a little high at the time, and I remember thinking to myself, “Wow, this must be what rigor mortis feels like”, just to to give you a little insight into my fucked up and stupid mind. In my defense though, I have been rewatching Six Feet Under lately, which would explain that random morgue vocabulary

This brings us to my 3rd noticeable side effect

3. Headache

It started out dull, sort of like the tail-end of a hangover, and it was nothing some Tylenol couldn’t fix (so I thought). Eventually it got to the point I couldn’t play Xbox anymore so I decided to lay down, and that’s when it got bad. Just an absolute crescendo of painful throbbing in my entire head, particularly right behind eyes/forehead. I started popping Tylenols like they were candy, but they just weren’t helping. Hell, I almost wanted to crush a Tylenol up and snort it for some immediate relief. Not sure if that would even work, but that’s how bad it was

And then came the worst side effect by far

4. Chills/Shakes

I started to get wicked bad chills while laying in bed and watching Netflix, so bad to the point I started shaking a little bit. This especially sucked because I was right about to go to bed, and there was no way I’d be able to now since I was shaking like a newborn crack baby in the delivery room. This sort of thing happens to me after a bender sometimes (which is actually your body withdrawing from alcohol FYI, fun stuff) but I have never experienced anything like this. You know that Sopranos episode where Tony gets food poisoning and he’s shivering on the bathroom floor? That’s exactly what it felt like

Lastly

5. All Of Them At Once

The grand finale hit me right around 3 AM or so, which would have been about 10 hours after I got the shot. I was nauseous. My head felt like I had a concussion. My body was so stiff I should have been laying in the morgue (But thankfully my violent shakes helped to loosen up the rigor mortis)

It was at this point where I was faced with a decision that made me ask one of the dumbest questions I’ve ever had to ask myself: Should I sleep with my AC on? I know it’s called “the chills”, but you aren’t really cold, you know? Like, that’s just the name. Plus, waking up in the middle of the night sweating sounded like a nightmare. Still, I just couldn’t come up with if room temperature or a cold room would be better for how I felt. While I debated my options, shaking like I had Parkinson’s while sitting on top of a powerful washing machine, I started to regret that weed I smoked earlier in the night. Something tells me I would have made clearer decisions, but that doesn’t change the fact that weed is tight

So there you have it. The last 24 hours of my life have sucked ass through a straw, and it’s all that stupid vaccine’s fault. I got zero sleep last night, and I spent the night experiencing all of those symptoms and wanting to die

It also doesn’t help that I had to work today. I really wanted to call out, but I couldn’t because I would have to forfeit my holiday pay for Monday (company policy). Sucks, but I am starting to feel slightly better as I finish this blog up. Which is great timing, because it’s the freakin’ (Memorial Day), weekend and baby I’m about to have me some fun!

Before I completely wrap this blog up, I want to remind everybody to not lose sight of what MDW represents. I love the long weekend and all of the beers and burgers that come with it as much as anybody, but don’t forget to take a moment and realize why this weekend exists. It isn’t just called Memorial Day for shit and giggles, and the reason we can party with our friends and family this weekend is because of the brave people that made the ultimate sacrifice for this country. Rest In Peace to anybody that lost their life fighting for United States. Your sacrifice wasn’t forgotten yesterday, isn’t forgotten today, and won’t be forgotten tomorrow

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@ BoozeBlogsChuck

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