I Respect The Hell Out Of This Columbia University Professor Who Casually Admitted He Does Heroin After Work

When you’re a student, I think it’s pretty easy to forget that your teachers are real people that have their own lives outside of the classroom (and I’m sure it’s even easier to feel that way nowadays because of Covid)

I’ve been thinking about my old teachers a lot recently, mainly because I have a few friends that are teachers now. The fact that some of my buddies are now responsible for educating the youth of this country sort of terrifies me, especially when we reminisce about some of the stupid shit I’ve seen them do in the past and still continue to do every weekend

But even though it’s easy to try to make myself believe that times have changed, my friends are just crazy, and their behavior is not the norm, deep down I’ve come to realize that a lot of the teachers I had while growing up were young adults just like my friends and I, and unbeknownst to us, they were probably going out partying on the weekends and getting into the same stupid shit that my friends and I are now

The thing that got me thinking about teachers and their lives outside of the classroom was this pretty funny story that went viral earlier this week. Carl Hart, a professor at Columbia University and the chair of its psychology department, wrote a book recently whose content has landed him in some hot water online. Hart has always been pretty open about his views on drugs and his own personal drug use, and this book goes into graphic detail about these things. At the forefront of the recent criticism about him is a quote about his heroin use, where he says, “heroin is one of the tools that I use to maintain my work-life balance.”

Now when I first read that quote, I was like

But then as I read a little more and started outlining this blog, I realized something: Me and this guy are kind of alike

If I’m being honest, I’m in no position to vice-shame anybody. From the ages of 14-18 I smoked weed everyday, and back in college, let’s just say I thought I was Tony Montana and Rick James rolled into one

Currently, I buy scratch tickets and gamble on sports every day, and I drink my face off at a somewhat similar frequency, so who am I to judge this dude for how he wants to take the edge off? At the end of the day we all have our thing, and if this guy can still manage to keep his shit together and remain productive while also using drugs in his spare time, more power to him

Moving on, why does it even matter what this guy does outside of the classroom? I could understand some eyebrows being raised if he was lighting up a crack pipe in the middle of a lecture, but I really don’t see the big deal about getting wasted when you’re off the clock. That’s your time, so do whatever the fuck you want. I’ve never understood the concept of drug tests for jobs because if it took a urine sample for your superiors to even realize that you were using drugs in the first place, then clearly those drugs weren’t affecting your work ethic and productivity enough for them to notice without the drug test, so who cares?

I’ll take it a step further: I don’t even care if somebody IS on drugs or alcohol at work, so long as they’re still doing their job and doing it right. I know that sounds impossible, but I’ve got 2 anecdotes for you that involve past teachers I’ve had that’ll back me up a little

The first example was my history teacher junior year in high school who very obviously drank throughout the school day. It was one of those unspoken things that every kid and other teacher in the school knew, but nobody cared. He was a green beret in Nam and clearly had some screws loose, but you know what else? He was a fucking fantastic teacher. Learning about The Vietnam War from a slightly drunk 65 year old man who was actually there gave me a really unique learning experience, and he still remains one of my favorite teachers I’ve ever had

The second example I have was my psychology professor my sophomore year in college. Unsurprisingly, this guy loved Sigmund Freud, perhaps a little bit too much because he was clearly out of his mind on amphetamines all the time. As somebody who was no stranger to the effects of stimulants, I spotted out his frenzied speech, rapid jaw movement, and dilated pupils from a mile away. But once again, he was a really smart dude that knew what he was talking about, and I learned a lot from his class. Plus, it was awesome because his classes would always end early seeing as he would somehow manage to condense an hour long lecture into about 15 minutes

For all of those reasons, I think ridiculing this dude for a few out of context quotes from his book and the way he wants to live his life is low hanging fruit. I know that’s the opposite of what the general consensus on the internet about this story has been, but if I’m being completely honest, I respect the hell out of this guy. He’s clearly a smart dude that has his shit together and also likes to cut loose when he’s off the clock, and like I said before, there’s nothing wrong with that. Work hard, party harder. That’s what I always say

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s after 5 PM on a Friday and I’m about to go get so shitfaced on rum that I actually think I’m a pirate. Have a great weekend everybody! ARGHHHHH!

PS: This story also goes to show you how much power tenured professors have. Not that I think he should anyway, but no chance this guy gets in trouble. I feel like a tenured professor could admit to murder, and the university would just be like “Don’t let it happen again, or at least don’t get caught again. Here is $200,000”

PS Part 2: Celtics -3, thank me later


@ BoozeBlogsChuck

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