“Can’t Feel My Face” is a song by Canadian singer and recent Super Bowl Halftime Show performer The Weeknd. It appeared on his 2015 album Beauty Behind The Madness, and on the surface, its sound and lyrics seem like a typical love song

I guess in a way it still is a love song, but he’s not talking about a girl. The object of his affection is good old fashioned cocaine, and boy is he in love with it. Some people still dispute this when I say it, but it’s 100% true. It’s no secret that cocaine and the weekend go hand in hand, and anybody who has ever found themselves in the midst of a snowy night of partying knows of coke’s face numbing effects. Hey, what else is there to say besides this:

The only other possible explanation for why he couldn’t feel his face would be if he was out shoveling today like I just was, because let me tell ya, I couldn’t feel my face after about 5 minutes out there. It’s been pretty cold lately and we got some snow last night and it’s still snowing right now. Being the lazy dumbass that I am, I decided to not clear off my steps last night and some of it froze over today. I had to go to the store earlier and I underestimated how bad my stairs would be, and as a result I fell down my stairs like a slinky this morning. Credit where credit is due, starting my day off by eating this colossal amount of shit did a great job of waking me up. So thank you ice: You woke my ass up, literally

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