Halloween was this past weekend, so most of our social media feeds have been filled with pictures of Halloween costumes and decorations for the last few days. I always love the Halloween photo dump, mainly because I get to laugh at all of the funny costumes, and I also get to drool over all of the sexy and revealing costumes. This back-and-forth between laughs and boners is a Halloween tradition like no other, and I look forward to it every year

Speaking of things that seem to happen every Halloween, let’s get to the point of this blog. Every year, I see multiple stories of nosy and uptight people that call the police to either complain about their neighbor’s overly graphic decorations, or if they’re really stupid, to frantically report that there’s been a brutal murder at their neighbor’s house and there are bloody body parts spread all across the lawn

An example of this happened recently in Dallas and it caught my eye, so I decided to do a blog about it. You can read the full story here, but all you really need to know is that a Dallas artist named Steve Novak made a gory and awesome display at his house for Halloween. While he says most people loved his decorations, there were some complaints, and one of these people even called the police

To give you an idea of how gory we’re talking about, here is a picture of his decorations

Admittedly, these aren’t your usual Halloween decorations, and at first glance, it is a pretty fucked up scene to stumble upon. Anytime you see a wheel barrow filled with body parts and a guy with a chainsaw sticking out of his back it should make you do a double-take, but not if it’s October. If you were walking down the street in June and you saw this bloodbath, I could understand freaking out and calling the police to report this triple (maybe more) murder that looks so crazy there will probably be a Netflix documentary about it some day. But if you see this in October and your reaction is still to call the police instead of thinking for a second and realizing that these are probably just kick-ass Halloween decorations, you’re an idiot

Now, let’s address the loser that threw their No Fun Flag on the play and called the cops because of this guy’s decorations. The Dallas Police and Steve Novak both confirmed that police were dispatched to his house because of a complaint. I know it doesn’t say who phoned it in, but I think we all know it was some Karen with way too much time on their hands and a stick way too far up their ass. I bet poor Karen was furious when the police told them that they can’t do anything, seeing as it’s his property and he isn’t hurting anybody. “But think of the innocent, impressionable children!”, they pleaded, even though Novak said the neighborhood kids love his decorations and give him suggestions for what to do next all the time, which is a big reason why he’s been doing these Halloween displays for the past few years. I hope those aforementioned neighborhood kids did some detective work and found out what neighbor called in the complaint, and then they rightfully egged and TP’d their house

I was a little nervous that maybe the negative responses and police presence might have spooked him a bit, but turns out Novak is already planning for the future. When asked about next year, he said, and I quote, “I’m going to rent a wood chipper and turn it into a continuous recirculating blood fountain with a speaker so it sounds like it’s actually running.”. I fucking love this guy. Instead of surrendering to whoever complained about his bloody lawn scene, he’s already brainstorming grotesque ideas for his Halloween display next year. Tough shit Karen, better stock up on tissues. If you come at the king, you best not miss

When it comes to decorating their houses for Halloween, most people just put a pumpkin or 2 on the steps and call it a day. But not Steve Novak. He knows he has a job to do every October, and that job is to create a horrific display of gore that entertains the neighborhood kids and pisses off the neighborhood Karens. When that is your goal, you can rest assured that you succeeded when somebody calls the police to complain about your decorations, so Steve Novak won this round

As a general rule of thumb, if you’re ever walking around in October and you see some decorations that you think are over-the-top or offensive, don’t call the police and complain about them like a fucking loser. Just keep on walking, but I hope you trip and fall on your face while you do

I hope everybody had a great Halloween this past weekend, and I can’t wait to see what this guy has up his sleeve for next year

PS: This situation made me realize something: Halloween would be the perfect time to get away with committing a horrific public murder like this. Most people walking by would just think the bodies were very realistic decorations, and it would take days, maybe even weeks, until somebody finally said, “Hey that dismembered corpse with a screwdriver jammed in its eyeball is starting to smell pretty bad, maybe it’s real”. Same goes for July 4th. Gangs should all wait until it gets dark and the fireworks are going off in rapid succession everywhere, and then drive to their enemy’s house and light them up. The gunshots will get lost in the sounds of fireworks, and they could get away with it so easily. I understand saying these things will probably get me put on an FBI watch list, but facts are facts