Even though I’m from the city, I like nature. I’m not a member of Green Peace or anything like that, but I’ve always enjoyed spending time in the great outdoors. There’s something really therapeutic about breathing in some fresh air while surrounded by trees and listening to nothing but the sounds of nature, and if I were smarter, I’d do it a lot more often

One relieving thing about being in the woods around me is that I don’t have to worry about running into any dangerous animals when I’m out there. If my friends and I are smoking a blunt and hiking through Blue Hills or something, the only thing we have to worry about is getting lost because we’re too high. That would be inconvenient for sure, but at least we don’t have to worry about a grizzly bear clawing our faces off or some other shitty outcome like people in other parts of the country and world do

An example of a scary encounter with a wild animal is going viral right now. A guy was out for a hike in Utah when he noticed that a cougar was stalking him, and in true 2020 fashion, he decided to take out his phone and film it instead of focusing on his own safety. Here’s the video

FUCK (and I can’t emphasize this enough) THAT SHIT

First of all, this guy must have pure CBD oil coursing through his veins instead of blood, because he is WAY too relaxed about what is happening here. My fight-or-flight response got activated from just watching this video, yet the guy who was actually in danger acted like it was no big deal. Dude just slowly backed away and filmed this wild beast while it lunged toward him repeatedly, and even pleaded with it by saying, “C’mon dude, I don’t feel like dying today”. Safe to say I would not be nearly as calm and collected as this guy was, and maybe the reason why he moved so slowly was because of the weight of his gigantic balls

I also love how he kept telling the cougar to shoo, as if it were a fly or something. I don’t know much about these particular animals, seeing as my only experience with cougars is when there’s a group of horny divorced older women buying drinks for my friends and I at the bar, but I assume they are somewhat dangerous. I mean look at that thing. What it lacks in size it more than makes up for with heart, because that thing was PISSED. Between the rabid-sounding screeching noises and the strange, almost cartoon-like way it kept moving closer to him, this guy should have been that cougar’s lunch

Even though I expressed earlier that I do love being out in nature, this video was all I needed to justify staying inside for a while. I don’t think New England has cougars, but I’m pretty sure we have mountain lions and those seem like the same thing to me. For safety’s sake, I think I’m gonna stay on my couch until further notice

The only way I wouldn’t mind getting stalked and eaten by a wild animal would be if the guy from the classic “Damn nature, you scary!” Family Guy clip narrated it. He’s certainly no David Attenborough; he’s even better

PS: At one point in the cougar video the guy says “Where is my gun?”. Good fucking question dude. If I lived in a place that had bears, cougars and whatever else out there, you better believe I’d stay strapped at all times. Such a rookie mistake by this guy not bringing a gun with him