After suffering through months of what will likely go down in history as one of the most boring years of our lives, we have finally reached a light at the end of the tunnel. Tonight, the NFL returns with an electric matchup between The Houston Texans and defending Super Bowl Champs The Kansas City Chiefs. Full disclosure, my nipples are rock hard just thinking about it

Disturbing images aside, I really am so excited to have football back in my life. Watching and gambling on baseball, hockey, and basketball is all fine and good, but nothing beats the feeling of spending every Sunday laying on the couch, hungover as balls, and watching Red Zone for 10 hours straight with hundreds of dollars on the line. Win or lose, it makes me feel so alive

The hype of the NFL’s return has reached a fever pitch, but there has been another piece of NFL news from earlier this week regarding one of the league’s players that has really gotten everybody talking. The personal lives of NFL players during the off-season is bound to produce plenty of headlines, seeing as they supply the world with no shortage of DUI, domestic violence arrests, failed drug tests, and many other things, but this one is in a league of its own. During a radio interview recently, a woman by the name of Slim Danger had some interesting things to say about Browns receiver Odell Beckham Jr., better known as OBJ. You can listen to what she had to say here

So according to Slim Danger, OBJ has a poop fetish and wanted her to shit on him

Just when I think 2020 is out of surprises, a story like this comes along and shuts me right up

I do want to emphasize that this is all “He said, she said” at this point. These girls seem like they get off on gossip, and a ridiculous story like this—whether true or false—is good publicity for them. So although I was raised to not propagate rumors, I feel like it is my duty as an anonymous internet blogger to do exactly that and talk about such a hilarious claim

First things first, this story got me thinking about sex fetishes in general. There are so many fetishes out there—ranging from getting tied up and whipped to getting shit on (apparently)—and it’s all so foreign to me. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer putting my penis in a vagina and calling it a day. But to people with fetishes, they decide to take their sexual encounters to a whole different level, and it makes me wonder if I’m missing out. Maybe I’m just some Puritan prude that isn’t living my sex life to the fullest, and I need to expand my horizons like these folks are. I doubt I’m gonna start letting people turn my chest into a toilet any time soon, but maybe some role play, handcuffs, or giving some girl a golden shower provides unmatched thrills that I’ve yet to experience. Similar to how I feel about drugs: You can’t knock it til you try it (probably not the best advice, but I’m still alive)

Moving on, I’m choosing to give OBJ the benefit of the doubt here and say that this story isn’t true. Like I said above, these girls seem like they treat spreading rumors as a recreational activity, and name-dropping somebody like OBJ with a story about how he likes to get shit on in the bedroom seems like the perfect recipe to get more listeners for their podcast. I mean, just take a look at these 3

They look like the type of girls that would be drinking Monster, shouting loudly, and fighting people before 1st period in high school, so accepting that they’d have no problem spreading rumors about taking a dump on somebody’s chest is an easy decision to make

There’s nothing worse than finding out there’s a rumor circulating about you. I remember back in middle school somebody started a rumor that I didn’t have balls. Not in a figurative way; I mean the claim was that I physically did not have testicles, just a dick. It was brutal, and my 12 year old self briefly considered exposing myself in front of my entire class just to prove that it wasn’t true. But the thing about rumors is that they fade away eventually, so you just have to ride it out until then. A solid defense is to join in on the joke, and it looks like OBJ is way ahead of the game because he made a joke on his instagram immediately. Way to take it like a champ

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER:

@ BoozeBlogsChuck