In 1920, then Presidential Candidate Warren G. Harding famously promised Americans “a return to normalcy” while he was running for office; a phrase that won over many voters and landed him in The White House.
As humans, we prefer routine because we consider it normal. No matter how much we try to pretend that we love the excitement of living differently or having unexpected things happen to us, it’s simply not true and we want things to stay the same because familiar things make us feel comfortable.
I think that is why Covid-19 has sucked so much. It isn’t the illness itself that has people on edge. It’s just the fact that our usual way of living has been disrupted, and similar to US voters in 1920, we want to return to normalcy and re-open things again.
Thankfully a video that went viral earlier this week has assured me that America is on the path toward returning to normal. The video I’m talking about was taken at a Red Lobster restaurant in York County, Pennsylvania, and it shows some lady going absolutely crazy and fighting with the staff on Mother’s Day. Here is the video
This short 3 minute video put a huge smile on my face. Not only because it’s always great to see some unhinged lunatic lose their mind in public and then get publicly shamed all over social media afterward, but also because it’s convinced me that America will be back to normal in no time.
First of all, I have a question: Why the fuck are so many people eating at Red Lobster on Mother’s Day? I honestly can’t think of a worse place to take the woman that brought you into this world than that dump of a restaurant. Maybe I’m spoiled because I’m from New England and am surrounded by good seafood, but I consider Red Lobster one tier above prison food, and only slightly. If I called my mom and said I wanted to take her out to Red Lobster for Mother’s Day, I think she’d say “No thanks” and hang up. If you want seafood so badly but you’re feeling too cheap to go anywhere good, you should either buy a Fillet-O-Fish from McDonalds or drive to the beach and start eating random clams you find on the ground, because that’s basically the same quality you’ll get at Red Lobster.
Moving on, and I know this may sound extreme, but I think in situations like this the staff should legally be allowed to kill people that do this. As somebody who has worked many retail and customer service jobs in the past, there’s nothing worse than some overly entitled bitch getting in your face and starting a commotion over a minor inconvenience. The fact that you’re underpaid and appreciated when working these jobs is already bad enough, so some asshole giving you a hard time because their almighty standards weren’t met is just salt in the wound. That’s why I believe similar to how Stand Your Ground Laws work in some states, there should be some sort of Unruly Customer Defense Law that grants retail and customer service employees the right to apply deadly force whenever they see fit.
It doesn’t mention it in the video or in any of the news articles, but I’m fairly confident in saying that her name is probably Karen. As we all know Karen is a name that has become synonymous with this type of behavior, so if given the opportunity to place a bet, I’d be all in.
Typically I hate Karens, but this time I have to swallow my pride and say thank you to this woman for causing a scene at a restaurant, going viral, and therefore leading America further down the path toward normalcy. Getting in a fight with underpaid restaurant staff because of a long wait time is as American as it gets, and this altercation has acted as a beacon of hope that Covid-19 and the strange, air-tight grip it has had on our lives is nearing it’s end.
To all the retail and customer service workers out there, I hope you enjoyed your time off from the wrath of Karens. With evidence as abundantly clear as this video, it’s safe to say that they’re back and ready to complain more than ever. And when Karens With Attitude come back to your place of business, they’re coming straight outta the suburbs!
PS: I hate to say this, I swear, but I have to because it’s true: America won’t truly be back to normal and recovered from Coronavirus until there is a mass shooting at a mall or whatever where 10+ people die. There, I said it. It didn’t feel good to say, but we all know it’s true and I’m just the one who had the foresight and balls to state the obvious here. America gonna America