Week 8 came to a close Monday night, and despite saying to myself, “I’ll post my Week 7 results tomorrow” for days now, both Week 7 and Week 8 are over. What can I say, besides the fact that I’m lazy and working full time doesn’t help my case and free up a lot of time to sit down at my laptop. Such is life.

Being the improvisational genius that my brain has incorrectly convinced myself that I am, I’ve decided to just post the results from Week 7 and Week 8 in one blog for all to see.

First, let’s take a look at how I did in Week 7.

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WEEK 7 RESULTS

THURSDAY

Kansas City Chiefs (-3.5) @ Denver Broncos (+3.5): CHIEFS -3.5 FINAL SCORE: 30-6 CHIEFS (WIN)

SUNDAY

San Francisco 49ers (-9.5) @ Washington Redskins (+9.5): 49ers -9.5 FINAL SCORE: 9-0 49ERS (PAINFUL HALF POINT LOSS)

Miami Dolphins (+16.5) @ Buffalo Bills (-16.5): BILLS -16.5 FINAL SCORE: 31-21 BILLS (LOSS) 

Houston Texans (+1.5) @ Indianapolis Colts (-1.5): TEXANS +1.5 FINAL SCORE: 30-23 COLTS (LOSS) 

Minnesota Vikings (+.5) @ Detroit Lions (-.5): VIKINGS +.5 FINAL SCORE: 42-30 VIKINGS (WIN) 

Jacksonville Jaguars (-3.5) @ Cincinnati Bengals (+3.5): JAGUARS -3.5 FINAL SCORE: 27-17 JAGUARS (WIN) 

LA Rams (-3.5) @ Atlanta Falcons (+3.5): LA RAMS -3.5 FINAL SCORE: 37-10 RAMS (WIN) 

Arizona Cardinals (+2.5) @ NY Giants (-2.5): CARDINALS +2.5 FINAL SCORE: 27-21 CARDINALS (WIN) 

Oakland Raiders (+6.5) @ Green Bay Packers (-6.5): PACKERS -6.5 FINAL SCORE: 42-24 PACKERS (WIN)

LA Chargers (+2.5) @ Tennessee Titans (-2.5): CHARGERS +2.5 FINAL SCORE: 23-20 TITANS (LOSS)

New Orleans Saints (+3.5) @ Chicago Bears (-3.5): SAINTS +3.5 FINAL SCORE: 36-25 SAINTS (WIN)

Baltimore Ravens (+3.5) @ Seattle Seahawks (-3.5): RAVENS +3.5 FINAL SCORE: 30-16 RAVENS (WIN)

Philadelphia Eagles (+2.5) @ Dallas Cowboys (-2.5): COWBOYS -2.5 FINAL SCORE: 37-10 COWBOYS (WIN)

MONDAY

New England Patriots (-9.5) @ NY Jets (+9.5): PATRIOTS -9.5 FINAL SCORE: 33-0 PATRIOTS (WIN) 

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I think the reason why I wanted to share these Week 7 results with you is crystal clear. My picks have been absolute dog shit all season, so did you really think I was going to not acknowledge the fact that I did good one week? Zero chance. In Week 7, I went a season best 10-4 and have slowly started my ascent out of the gambling hole I’ve been living in for far too long.

In my Week 7 blog, I also jokingly decided to pray to Satan because clearly my prayers to God weren’t working. I said that if I hit double digit wins (Which I did), I would become a Satanist. Well since I’m a man of my word, I would like to announce to everybody that I’ve officially switched my religious beliefs to Satanism. He really came through for me in Week 7 and I owe him one. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

Being A Satanist was fun and all, but after what happened in Week 8, I may have to reconsider praying to The Devil (Which is probably for the best). Anyway, let’s take a look at how I did in Week 8.

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WEEK 8 RESULTS

THURSDAY

Washington Redskins (+15.5) @ Minnesota Vikings (-15.5): VIKINGS -15.5 FINAL SCORE: 19-9 VIKINGS (LOSS)

SUNDAY

Denver Broncos (+6.5) @ Indianapolis Colts (-6.5): COLTS -6.5 FINAL SCORE: 15-13 COLTS (LOSS)

LA Chargers (+4.5) @ Chicago Bears (-4.5): BEARS -4.5 FINAL SCORE: 17-16 CHARGERS (LOSS)

Seattle Seahawks (-3.5) @ Atlanta Falcons (+3.5): SEAHAWKS -3.5 FINAL SCORE: 27-20 SEAHAWKS (WIN)

NY Jets (+5.5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-5.5): JAGUARS -5.5 FINAL SCORE: 29-15 JAGUARS (WIN)

Arizona Cardinals (+9.5) @ New Orleans Saints (-9.5): CARDINALS +9.5 FINAL SCORE: 31-9 SAINTS (LOSS) 

Philadelphia Eagles (+1.5) @ Buffalo Bills (-1.5): BILLS -1.5 FINAL SCORE: 31-13 EAGLES (LOSS)

Cincinnati Bengals (+12.5) @ LA Rams (-12.5): RAMS -12.5 FINAL SCORE: 24-10 RAMS (WIN) 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+2.5) @ Tennessee Titans (-2.5): TITANS -2.5 FINAL SCORE: 27-23 TITANS (WIN) 

NY Giants (+7.5) @ Detroit Lions (-7.5): LIONS -7.5 FINAL SCORE: 31-25 LIONS (LOSS)

Carolina Panthers (+6.5) @ San Francisco 49ers (-6.5): 49ERS -6.5 FINAL SCORE: 51-13 49ERS (WIN)

Cleveland Browns (+12.5) @ New England Patriots (-12.5): PATRIOTS -12.5 FINAL SCORE: 27-13 PATRIOTS (WIN)

Oakland Raiders (+6.5) @ Houston Texans (-6.5): TEXANS -6.5 FINAL SCORE: 27-24 TEXANS 

Green Bay Packers (-4.5) @ Kansas City Chiefs (+4.5): PACKERS -4.5 FINAL SCORE: 31-24 

MONDAY

Miami Dolphins (+14.5) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-14.5): STEELERS -14.5 FINAL SCORE: 27-14 STEELERS (LOSS) 

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Week 8 was certainly no Week 7, I can tell you that much. In Week 8, I went a very “Meh” 7-8. When you’re as bad at this as I am, breaking even (Or getting at least close to it) is basically winning. There was definitely room for improvement, but I can definitely live with these results.

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I was never the best at math, but after grabbing my calculator I was able to figure out that I went 17-12 in Weeks 7 and 8 combined. Last time that I checked that’s a winning record, so I’m fucking ecstatic. To say that this year has been rough for me so far betting wise would be the understatement of the century, so you need to celebrate your victories whenever you can, no matter how small they may be.

Speaking of my NFL betting record as a whole, that brings my season total to 43-80 on the year. Absolutely fucking terrible, but what’s that? I’m also officially over the .500 mark? Let’s fucking go! +.500 is a winning record last time that I checked. The winning streak starts right here, right now. Anybody that doesn’t believe in me can go fuck themselves, but are also probably correct. Whatever. We’re on to Week 9.

 PS: Some of you might be wondering where my Draft Kings Results are from Weeks 7 and 8, and unfortunately I found out the hard way that Draft Kings doesn’t save contest results for that long. I waited too long and have played too many contests since so I lost the results. All I can say is it was exactly how every other week has gone: Made some money, still lots of room for improvement.