Week 1 of the 2019 NFL season is now in the books, and it’s safe to say that I got my shit pushed in by those bastards in Vegas that set the spreads. I can’t really say I’m surprised, especially given what happened last year, but I can assure you that pissed off. As I’m sure you can tell from my tone so far, I didn’t have a whole lot of luck this weekend. Regardless, let’s take a look at just how terrible I did.

THURSDAY

Green Bay Packers (+3.5) @ Chicago Bears (-3.5): BEARS -3.5 (LOSS)

SUNDAY

Baltimore Ravens (-5.5) @ Miami Dolphins (+5.5): RAVENS -5.5 (WIN)

Atlanta Falcons (+4.5) @ Minnesota Vikings (-4.5): FALCONS +4.5 (LOSS)

Kansas City Chiefs (-4.5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (+4.5): CHIEFS -4.5 (WIN)

Washington Redskins (+8.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles (-8.5): EAGLES -8.5 (LOSS)

Tennessee Titans (+5.5) @ Cleveland Browns (-5.5): BROWNS -5.5 (LOSS)

Buffalo Bills (+3.5) @ NY Jets (-3.5): JETS -3.5 (LOSS)

LA Rams (-3.5) @ Carolina Panthers (+3.5): RAMS -3.5 (LOSS)

Cincinatti Bengals (+9.5) @ Seattle Seahawks (-9.5): SEAHAWKS -9.5  (LOSS)

Indianapolis Colts (+6.5) @ LA Chargers (-6.5): CHARGERS -6.5 (LOSS) 

Detroit Lions (-2.5) @ Arizona Cardinals (+2.5): LIONS -2.5 (LOSS)

New York Giants (+7.5) @ Dallas Cowboys (-7.5): GIANTS +7.5 (LOSS)

San Francisco (+.5) @ Tampa Bay Bucs (-.5): BUCS -.5 (LOSS) 

Pittsburgh Steelers (+6.5) @ New England Patriots (-6.5): PATRIOTS -6.5 (WIN)

MONDAY

Houston Texans (+7.5) @ New Orleans Saints (-7.5): SAINTS -7.5 (LOSS) 

Denver Broncos (+1.5) @ Oakland Raiders (-1.5): BRONCOS +1.5 (LOSS)

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When all was said and done last night, I ended up going 3-13 during Week 1. Say it with me everybody: FUCKKKKKKK!

Now I’m not gonna sit here and make excuses for being the terrible gambler that I am, but there were so many backdoor covers on Sunday that I honestly thought about asking the Chinese food delivery guy to run me over with his car when he showed up with my food. You know it’s bad when not even the arrival of Chinese food was enough to fix my mood, and getting crushed by that guy’s Honda Accord would have probably hurt less than losing bet after bet all day on Sunday.

I’ll try to remain a little optimistic because it’s only Week 1, but I was not expecting to start the year THIS bad. I knew I wasn’t gonna go 16/16, but 3/16 is a brutal hole to climb into this early in the season. Oh well. I can only go up from here I guess.

Thankfully I was able to climb out of the financial hole a little bit by going all in on The Pats -6 on Sunday night and doing pretty solid on Draft Kings, but even with those 2 factors I’m still in the red. I’ll recap the latter at the start of this week’s Draft Kings blog for Week 2, which I’m hoping to have posted by Thursday afternoon.

Well there you have it. I suck at gambling and life, and you’re welcome for sharing this embarrassing stat line with all of you. If anybody else had a bad week of betting, just remember to think to yourself, “At least I’m not this guy”, meaning me. Fuck this shit. We’re on to Week 2