Getting something for free is a fantastic feeling. Even something as small as a free piece of candy can completely turn a shitty day around, and free things are always better than things you pay for. I’m sure there’s some more advanced psychology behind why this is the case, but I got a D in my college psych class so the name of that mental phenomenon is escaping me at the moment.

Like most people, I also live my life with the “If it’s free, it’s for me” motto because, as I said above, getting free shit is awesome. even if it’s something completely worthless that I’ll never use, I will gladly accept whatever it is with glee and ride the euphoric high that receiving a small, free item gives me.

It’s for all of the above reasons that I am mad at the world today. As I sit at my desk right now on July 12th, I have been unable to move on from what could have been yesterday. Yesterday, July 11th, was “Free Slurpee Day” at 7/11, and I did not have the honor of receiving one of these aforementioned free frozen beverages. Being the stand up guy that I am and who likes to place blame in its proper place, I am here to announce that it is everybody’s fault except mine for why I didn’t get a free slurpee yesterday.

It was a warm one yesterday in Boston, and as I mentioned in my air conditioning blog, my office was set to its usual “hot as balls” temperature. Wanna know what could have cooled me off and quenched the immense thirst that I experienced all day yesterday? A free slurpee from 7/11, that’s what. But unfortunately and unfairly to me, the rest of the world failed to properly notify me about “Free Slurpee Day”. You would have thought at least one person in the office would have walked by me with a slurpee to jolt my memory, but nope. You would have thought at least one person would have posted about it online, but once again, nope. Everybody let me down when I needed them most. I’m not mad guys, I’m just disappointed.

Some would say that the blame for not realizing 7/11 was giving out free slurpees yesterday lies solely on me, and those people couldn’t be more wrong. I’m completely oblivious to my surroundings, and it’s a miracle that I’m able to tie my shoes in the morning. I rely on the input of others to make me aware of most things, “Free Slurpee Day” being one of them. The fact that nobody reminded me to get a free slurpee yesterday is unforgivable, and likely a dark feeling of distrust and anger that I will take with me to my grave. But fear not: I already have it marked down in my calendar for next year, and come to think of it, I might take 2, 3, or maybe even 4 free slurpees when 7/11/20 comes around. I’ll tell the cashier that I consider it backpay for all of the years that I missed. Only seems fair.

The funny thing is I don’t even really like slurpees, but like I mentioned above, free things are desirable. I feel like I lost money because I didn’t get a slurpee yesterday, and there’s no way in fuck I’ll let this happen again. But enough about slurpees. The weekend is here and I have a different types of beverages on my minds. Time to drink away the pain of “Free Slurpee Day” and end up like this tonight.