It is the Monday after The July 4th Weekend, and like most people, I’m currently detoxing at my desk from a 5 day bender that was filled with copious amounts of beer, fireworks, burgers, patriotism, and even a little cocaine sprinkled on top to keep me alert and standing through it all. That’s how The Founding Fathers would have wanted me to celebrate the birth of this great nation, and I wasn’t about to let them down.
Anyway, today has been especially rough. Returning to real life after a bender is always a challenge in itself, but work has sucked exponentially worse today because of the temperature in my building. I don’t know whose job it is to decide what the thermostat is set at, but turns out they’re even more incompetent at their job than I am. It is consistently hot and sticky on my floor, and I’ve felt like a fat kid in gym class all day. By looking around at the disgruntled faces of my coworkers, I can tell I’m not the only one who is miserable from the heat right now. I shouldn’t be sweating my balls off when all I’m doing is sitting at a computer and typing, so can we please get some AC cranking before I’m forced to strip down to my boxers? I can assure you that my body is not a pretty sight, so I think turning the AC on is the safer option here.
In an attempt to take my mind off of the fact that my desk feels like it’s on the surface of the sun, I’ve been scrolling through Twitter. That’s when I came across a tweet that happens to be right on topic with my current temperature frustrations, and it’s such a laughably terrible opinion that I had to share. Here’s the tweet
Seeing this tweet while sitting in my scorching office with a long sleeved shirt and dress pants on and sweating like I’m high on ecstasy inside of a sauna made me almost spontaneously combust. I seriously think that Taylor may have actually done it, and by “it”, I mean that she has managed to tweet out the worst opinion of all time. I mean seriously, is there anything dumber than saying that something as awesome and universally appreciated as air conditioning not only sucks, but is somehow sexist? The answer is no.
I’ll be honest; I didn’t read her stupid article, mainly because she doesn’t deserve the page views and I already know exactly what it’s gonna say. Here are my cliff notes of her article, and despite not reading it, I promise you I’m in the ballpark.
“My name is Taylor. I am an insufferable hipster who lives a miserable life as a freelance writer, and I think that writing articles that hate on things that everybody else loves counts as a suitable replacement to having an actual personality. The contrarian stance I’m taking today is about air conditioning. I don’t like it. Sometimes when it’s really hot out and I go into a refreshingly air conditioned building, I complain about it. Did you also know that air conditioning is sexist? Well it is. How? Because I said so. We need to dismantle the patriarchy. Men suck. This is Donald Trump’s fault. If you enjoy air conditioning, you are a fascist. Please click on my ridiculous article. I need the page view revenue to pay for the outrageously over-priced Brooklyn studio apartment that I’m stupid enough to live in. Be on the lookout for my next article where I weigh in on vaccinations #BanAirConditioning”
I think my favorite part of this horrendously terrible take is that there’s no way she actually feels this way. And if she does, she is just privileged enough that she’s never lived without AC in a hot area. I would love to see her go to Arizona and still keep fighting this “Fuck AC” battle she is waging right now. She would last 3 minutes before begging for the AC to be turned on. I went to Atlanta in 5th grade to see the Red Sox play, and our hotel’s air conditioner broke during the night. I shit you not, it was the most uncomfortable night of my life. Laying in a hot room sucks ass, so thank God for air conditioning. If Taylor loves being hot and uncomfortable all the time, I’m sure my uncle’s roofing business is hiring for the summer and could use her help.
As for the sexism thing, I think I know what her angle is because I’ve argued with female coworkers about this before. The thought is that the air conditioning is too cold for them in the comfortable summer outfits that they are lucky enough to be allowed to wear to work, so instead of simply putting on a light sweater or something to combat this, they would rather let everybody sweat their asses off and be miserable in a non-AC environment. Fuck that. Being cold is infinitely better and more manageable than being hot is, and I will fight anybody that says otherwise. Plus, as I said before, women can basically wear whatever they want to work. Men, in an office environment, have to wear a long sleeve shirt and pants. Dress code is dress code, but we shouldn’t be forced to bathe in our own sweat all day just because a few people in the office are a little chilly. Oh, is it too cold in here? Layer up more then and shut the fuck up.
Also, the quote in her tweet that says, “I can’t explain how many times I’ve gotten sick over the summer b/c because of overzealous AC in offices” is laugh out loud funny. If you’re getting sick from air conditioning, you should probably go see a doctor or something because that’s not normal. I have the immune system of an AIDS patient, and you don’t see me getting a cold anytime I’m in a well air conditioned room. Just drink some orange juice or something and stop complaining.
The internet is filled with opinions. Some are good, and some are bad. Every now and then, somebody strikes gold with a take that is so terrible, they get rightfully ridiculed from all sides. This is a great example of that. No matter what your background is or your beliefs are, I think we can all agree that air conditioning is awesome and that Taylor here is not. I know she thought she was being quirky and original, but this was just an all around awful take. She reached so hard to try to make air conditioning sexist, I’m surprised she didn’t pull a muscle.
Congratulations Taylor: You are just another insufferable contrarian, and your Debby Downer personality will get you absolutely nowhere in life. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but people like Taylor make a good case for why that shouldn’t be the case. People like her shouldn’t even be allowed to enjoy air conditioning after making claims like this. Don’t like air conditioning? Cool, go live in the desert then. She should be forced to do a Walk of Atonement through the streets on a hot and humid day until she learns her lesson. Then let’s see if she still hates air conditioning. Shame on her. Shame I say!
PS: If anybody needs a quick laugh, take a scroll through the replies to her original tweet. She dug an even deeper hole with a few replies of her own, and the other replies are people making fun of her as well as a few lunatics agreeing with her. All in all, it’s hilarious.