Far Out, Man: Denver Has Become The First City In The United States To Decriminalize Shrooms

To put it simply, drugs are pretty cool in my book. Wanting to alter your consciousness is, and always has been, human instinct. Anybody that disagrees with that is an oblivious idiot that has never questioned any of the spoon fed lies about drugs that we all were while growing up. Rather than live a little every once in a while and have fun, they probably just spend their free time twiddling their thumbs for 80 years until they die.

It’s not as if doing drugs is some sort of new phenomenon either. There are countless examples throughout history of ancient civilizations ingesting substances to purposefully get fucked up. The Ancient Egyptians used to brew primitive forms of beer, so I’m sure Cleopatra and all of her friends were doing keg stands outside of the Sphinx all the time, only to end the night with some late night skinny dipping in The Nile.

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Inside of an unearthed ancient Chinese tomb, archeologists found pipes that had cannabis residue in them., That means it is basically a historical fact that the Ming Dynasty was burning it down and then eating copious amounts of rice when they got the munchies. I mean, these are the people that brought us fireworks and The Great Wall Of China, the latter of which is the highest idea of all time if you think about. “Dude, we should just build, like, this giant, 13,000 mile long wall to keep all of the Mongolians out”. The squinty eyes thing isn’t a racial stereotype, it’s racial evolution. The Ancient Chinese were straight up baked, but the history books won’t talk about that.

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Well before Rick James was snorting rails and laying down smooth bass lines, the Incans and Mayans were chewing on coco leaves and getting yakked out of their minds. This explains a lot about their culture. I guess willingly sacrificing yourself to The Sun God is a lot easier of a decision to make when you’re on a 10 day coke binge. Wanna know how they discovered all of that cool geometrical stuff where their temples all line up perfectly with the sun at certain times of the day? It’s because they were hopped up on stimulants and studying for days on end, just like college kids are now. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

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I shouldn’t even have to explain drug use in the Middle Ages. Wanna know why so many stories from that time are about dragons and magic and shit? It’s because they were all starving and eating random stuff from the ground, which in some cases meant they’d eat the fun kind of mushrooms and trip their midieval asses off. Henry The 8th didn’t have his wives beheaded because they couldn’t bear sons. It was actually just because he was high as fuck. His body, like mine, just doesn’t react well to hallucinogens. So whenever he would take shrooms, he’d have a bad trip, get paranoid, and order his guards to chop his wife’s head off in a panic. plus, dying from the The Bubonic plague was probably a hell of a lot easier to deal with when your body felt weightless and it looked like your horse was actually a unicorn with wings.

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Doctors in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s in the United States used to prescribe cocaine and heroin as medicine. This one isn’t even a joke. Cocaine infused medicine was a common fix for toothaches. That seems a little counter productive if you ask me, because I always grind my teeth whenever the nose candy is getting passed around. But given the current healthcare situation in this country, I wouldn’t be opposed to bringing back some of this stuff. I mean, couldn’t hurt, right?

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Which brings us to the present. Drug use is as rampant as ever with no signs of slowing down, and no amount of laws will ever stop the sale or consumption of things that people know makes them feel good. You don’t need to take business classes to understand why that’s the case. It’s an impossible fight that we just keep throwing money and time at that we’ll never win. We aren’t even fighting the War on Drugs, we’re just participating in it. Trying to win the War On Drugs is like trying to sell bacon outside of a mosque during Ramadan. You can try as hard as you want, but it just isn’t gonna happen. Fortunately, a lot of people are starting to accept this as the truth. Slowly and surely, logic is beginning to prevail in the United States, and by causation, the world.

Marijuana is basically legal in the US now, with a lot of states full on legalizing it or at the very least decriminalizing it and having medical marijuana programs. If you don’t walk outside of your house and immediately smell weed, it’s probably because you’re just so high that you’re oblivious and can’t even smell it. This revolution all started when Colorado became the first state to legalize marijuana back in 2012, and it looks like The Centennial State is leading the charge for drug law reformation once again. Yesterday, Initiative 301 narrowly passed in the state’s largest and capital city: Denver. This initiative effectively decriminalizes the possession of psilocybin mushrooms, AKA the type of mushrooms you eat and then stare intensely at the patterns on your couch for 5 hours straight. Possession of personal amounts of magic mushrooms will no longer be a felony, freeing up countless hours of police work and court dates, and most importantly, just letting people chill out, man.

Saying that this is a step in the right direction doesn’t even do it justice. If people want to debate the legislation regarding manufactured drugs like heroin and meth that’s one thing, but the naturally growing stuff like weed and shrooms has never made any sense to me. So you’re telling me that this random thing that’s growing naturally out of the ground becomes illegal the second I pick it up? What type of retarded logic is that? Plus, who gives a shit what people want to put in their bodies. Last time I checked, some guy tripping balls and going for a hike isn’t altering your life negatively in any way.

And I know that people by definition aren’t in their right mind when they’re tripping (which is the entire point), but I don’t think it would cause any increase in crime or anything like that. I’m literally terrified of people, or basically anything for that matter, when I’m tripping on shrooms. I highly doubt people are gonna be doing mushrooms and then heading out to do stupid stuff like rob people or drive their truck into a playground full of kids If a guy on mushrooms tried to rob somebody, he’d probably end up stealing money from his own wallet and then trip over a line on the sidewalk while running away. And if he tried to drive, he’d swear he drove 100 miles when he really just had it in park in the drive way and was turning the steering wheel making engine noises. The people who do bad things while on drugs should obviously be held accountable, but they should be held accountable for the crimes they committed, not because they were on drugs. When some loser beats the shit out of his wife when he’s drunk, we don’t start talking about banning alcohol. You can’t just punish everybody because 1% of people are morons and use things in a way that causes harm. If that were the case, everything would be illegal.

So even though I’m not really a shrooms guy, I support this 1,000%. Anybody that has a stick up their ass about a city in Colorado decriminalizing a very safe and fun substance needs to get their heads out of 5th grade DARE class and get with the times. Similar to how it did with weed, this will slowly start to catch on and spread throughout the country, which is great for both drug users and scientists alike. If you’re confused about why I said scientists, I say that because the less restricted a substance becomes, the more they are allowed to thoroughly study it. That’s important because drugs are fascinating. Have you ever wondered why certain compounds can make people feel all of these crazy ways and see things that aren’t even there? Well yeah, people in labcoats are wondering that too. For years now, the scientific community has put out theories that certain chemicals in drugs like shrooms and MDMA could possibly be synthesized and be used for things like PTSD, marriage counseling, and depression without the “high” per se. Anybody that has taken either of those drugs knows how uplifting and freeing they can be, so it makes sense to me.

But similar to how it used to be before medical marijuana blew up, the time and funding is too scarce to really investigate what could really be a medical breakthrough. I know I sound like Alex Jones right now, but if you don’t believe me give “microdosing” a quick Google search and read up on it. I could go on for days, but I’ll let you go down that rabbithole on your own.

Anyway, go nuts Denver. Eat some shrooms, drink some Coors Lights, and go skiing or whatever the fuck it is that people in Colorado do for fun. Look at mountains? Shoot up schools? Alright I’ll admit, that was in bad taste. Maybe even worse than the taste of shrooms, but what did you honestly expect from an anonymous blogger named Drunk White Kid? That’s on you guys for reading the stupid shit that I write.

2 comments

  1. You used to be able to buy magic mushrooms at Camden Market in London because some bizarre legal loophole decreed that they were only illegal if cooked, dried or “prepared” in any way. That stall isn’t there anymore. 😐

    Liked by 1 person

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