Today is a pretty special day for a good portion of the world. In all seriousness, it has basically reached calendar holiday status at this point. Today, April 14th, at 9 PM Eastern Time, HBO’s Game Of Thrones returns for its 8th and final season. Watch parties have been planned, death pools have been created, and utter chaos is sure to ensue. Unfortunately I won’t be partaking in any of this, because I am a lazy idiot who has been stuck in season 4 for over a year now. I’ve tried to play it off as no big deal, but with the actual event now rapidly approaching, I have to swallow my pride and admit that I wholeheartedly regret not catching up on Game of Thrones.
As much as I would love to point my finger in every direction but my own, I have nobody to blame but myself. My friends have been heckling me for months upon months to watch GOT so that I’ll be caught up, but instead of actually listening to them, I dicked around and procrastinated. I’ve sort of been like Jane from the song “Jane Says”, but instead of heroin, it’s Game of Thrones (Which for some people is just as addicting). My friends would constantly tell me to watch, and I’d just keep saying, “I’m gonna watch tomorrow”. But similar Jane’s claims about quitting heroin, it never happened.
And now the day is finally here, and I’ve gotta admit that the fear of missing out is at an all time high. I’ve tried to put on the “I don’t care” mask, but it isn’t fooling anybody, especially myself. My group chat is blowing up right now tonight’s episode and I’m just peeking in on the conversation like the non Game of Thrones watching voyeur that I am. This is gonna be me tonight reading all of the tweets and texts about who got killed.
Work tomorrow is gonna be a nightmare. Everybody in my department is really into the show, and I already know that is all they’ll be talking about tomorrow. I’ve already heard plenty of spoilers from seasons 5-7, but I want to cut down on hearing any more. Unfortunately, there’s just no way that’s gonna happen. Trying to avoid Game of Thrones spoilers tonight and tomorrow is gonna be like trying to avoid the sun at the beach. My only option is to ask Ted from How I Met Your Mother if I can borrow those Sensory Deprivator 5000 glasses he used while trying to avoid hearing the score of the Super Bowl. I’m essentially in the same boat as he was, so don’t be surprised when I walk into work tomorrow like
To sum things up, I’m a moron. I’m sure you already knew that, but it bears repeating. I misused my time over the past year or so, and now I’m gonna miss out on the most hyped up TV season premiere ever. People like myself that aren’t caught up on Thrones are like lepers in the Bible, and we deserve to be looked down upon and shunned from society. I wish it wasn’t true and that I didn’t fit this description, but that is my current status. This is who I am now. All I can hope to do now is get caught up as soon as possible, but knowing who I am, I’ll probably just end up continuing to procrastinate like I have been.
So to everybody that is caught up, enjoy the slaughter. At least I’ll have some playoff hockey and basketball to keep my mind occupied, but god dammit do I wish I just watched those episodes.