So the elephant in the room for the past 24 hours or so is that New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft got caught soliciting a prostitute in Florida during a sting operation just weeks after winning his 6th Super Bowl. If you somehow don’t know the details of this story yet, you can read about it here. All you really have to know is that Kraft went to a rub and tug in Jupiter, Florida that the feds have been watching for months now as part of a human trafficking investigation. They had surveillance inside this particular spa, which I think is kinda weird, and allegedly Kraft is caught on tape soliciting one of the employees for sexual favors.
The way that the media covered this story, you would have thought Kraft was the leader of this human trafficking ring. In fact, the media worded the story when it first broke to purposefully sound that way. They don’t call it #FakeNews for nothing. This is a classic case of making something out of nothing. So Mr. Kraft went into a massage parlor and got jerked off, big fucking deal. Every guy on earth has gotten a happy ending before, or at the very least has thought about it and wouldn’t be opposed to it. I know people will likely say this is just me being an arrogant Pats fan and defending him because of that, but that isn’t the case. I would defend anybody caught up in a stupid sting like this because I’m very pro-prostitution for a number of reasons, and it stems far beyond just the fact that I like cumming. For starters, the government should have no say in this matter. If a chick wants to charge a certain price to blow somebody, a guy should be allowed to pay that price and get blown. Simple as that. 2 consenting adults exchanging cash for an agreed upon act shouldn’t be illegal, and if you think it should, you can go fuck yourself free of charge (Patting myself on the back for that word play). I’ve noticed one common argument I hear for why people are apprehensive to legalizing prostitution is human trafficking. What they don’t understand is that the illegality of prostitution is what makes human trafficking so profitable and existent. If something is desired, and I would say without hesitation that sex is pretty fucking desired unless you’re a celibate weirdo, there’s no possible way to stop people from seeking it out. It’s the exact same principle that makes the drug trade so big, except now you’ve allowed these criminals to literally sell lives on the black market. So yes, I do think that human trafficking is a big deal, but it’s the lack of regulation of prostitution that causes that. But instead of thinking critically for 2 seconds and realizing this truth, people would rather just bitch about it and keep it illegal. Yeah, because making shit illegal always stops it. Now excuse me while I take out my phone and could have any drug delivered to my house in 30 minutes like I’m ordering pizza.
So as you’ve probably gathered from this so far, I couldn’t care less that a 75 year old guy went to a massage parlor to get his balls played with. That’s American as shit, and honesty, I think I love Kraft more now that I know he’s still getting jerked in shady spas in his 70’s despite being a billionaire that could get $10,000 escorts every night. He’s a common man that didn’t let the money get to his head, and I respect that. The reason why this whole thing became such a large story is because Kraft is on the list of people that others feel need to be taken down. I’m not the only person that thinks there’s more to this. Twitter flooded with conspiracy theories yesterday because this sting just seems a little too convenient. Barstool founder Dave Portnoy made an appearance on Tucker Carlson hunting that Roger Goodell had something to do with this, and I’m sure many New Englanders share that sentiment. Although I would love to also believe this, I don’t think Goodell was behind this. That coward doesn’t have the balls or brains to set something like this up. Will he punish the Patriots somehow because of this? 100%, but that was just lucky on his part.
Another theory that I saw spreading around on the gift that keeps on giving known as black twitter was this was a setup because Kraft has recently begun advocating for criminal justice reform. He’s befriended rappers like Meek Mill and Gucci Mane and other prominent members of the black community, and many on twitter felt that these charges are a little too coincidental.
Although both of those theories are plausible, I am about to offer up an alternative. I think that this was a setup, but it wasn’t orchestrated by Goodell and it didn’t have anything to do with Kraft’s new CJ reform stuff. This was all orchestrated by Robert Kraft’s son, Jonathan. His motive? Take over the Patriots earlier than expected. He hoped that the embarrassment of this ordeal would essentially push his father into walking away from the team, thus making him the owner. It might sound like this is straight out of an episode of Scooby Doo, but money makes people do weird things. Is it possible that a son would setup his dad in a prostitution scandal to take over the most dominant sports dynasty in history? Yes, it’s just as possible as Kraft walking into a Florida massage and paying an Asian woman 10 bucks to jerk him off.
All there is to do now is sit back and wait. More facts will come out, but like most conspiracy theories, the truth never does. Another thing I found interesting about this whole case was the other people arrested. One of the other guys was born in 1934. Nineteen thirty four. An 85 year old guy still heading to rub and tugs is hilarious, and honestly, good for him that his dick is still standing at attention at that age. Another rumor is that Robert Kraft isn’t even the biggest name associated with this bust. With this being Jupiter, Florida, the obvious name people have been saying is Tiger Woods. I don’t think it was Tiger though. For comedy’s sake, I hope it was Jeb Bush. Live look at Jeb when he cums after getting stroked 3 times
Well that’s all for now. Recording the fourth episode of There Will Be Pod in about an hour, and I’m sure this topic will come up in more detail. Peace out, and happy Saturday. And most importantly, #FreeKraft