I’ve never had to come up with a name on my own because I don’t have a kid or a business, but I can assume it’s a tedious process. After all, this is what your creation will be known to the world as, which is kind of a big decision. I imagine there’s a lot of ideas thrown out there because of the pressure to have a good name, as it can literally make or break your business. Generally, you want something simple that will also stand out to people for some reason. For example, if I owned a pizza place, I would just call it We Sell Pizza. When people are thinking of where to order pizza from, my restaurant would pop into their heads because we sell pizza, and our name exemplifies this. Drunks would also see my giant fluorescent sign in the distance while they drunkenly navigate the streets of Boston, and that lets them know I’ve got them covered with late night drunk pizza. If I executed this idea I’d be rich and likely married to multiple supermodels, but I digress. My point is that names are important. That’s why I got upset when I saw this news story from my neighbors up north. The owner of a restaurant in Keene, New Hampshire came up with a fantastic name for her new restaurant, but she is now being punished because a small number of people think it’s inappropriate.

Here is the sign that started the entire thing. Owner Isabella Jolie hung this small sign in the front window of her Keene, New Hampshire property as a way of letting the public know that her restaurant would be opening soon. The restaurant will specialize in Vietnamese dishes, most notably the popular soup dish pho. If you haven’t tried it, pho is amazing, and rumor has it that it cures hangovers. I bet there’s no science behind it, but that’s just the word on the street. Anyway, people quickly took notice to the sign because it’s a pretty funny and well-thought out pun. If you don’t understand why, pho is pronounced like “Fuh”. Therefore, the name sounds like “Fucking great” when read out loud, incapsulating both the food served, name of the city, and the insinuation that the food will taste fucking great all in a clever pun. Most people saw this and laughed, but then came the wet blankets. A few thin skinned losers complained to the city and pressure began to mount for them to take the sign down. The city and owner eventually compromised that the name itself could stay, but there can’t be any signs depicting the name outside.

This is the dumbest compromise of all time. So basically they said, “Oh yeah you can have your restaurant, you just can’t let anybody know that it’s a restaurant. People will just have to walk by this building and assume you serve pho inside”. Ridiculous, and I still can’t get past how unappreciated this great pun it. It’s awesome, and the majority of people said so. The owner put up a Facebook poll asking people if they thought the name was offensive, and 97% of responders said no and that they thought it was funny. So why are 3% of losers deciding for the rest of us? That’s not how society is supposed to work, but in the present day apparently that is how things work. If one person doesn’t like something it has to go. End of story. I’m assuming the reason why these idiots think this is inappropriate is because of kids. But it’s not like the sign itself has the word fuck written on it. It’s a clever pun that might take most people a second to get, especially if you’re unfamiliar with pho. So my response to anybody that is worried about kids being subjected to a sign like this is this: If that kid is old enough to read that sign and understand the play on words and what it means, I think they’re old enough to hear and say the word fuck. Simple as that. Fuck is a great word, and I think it’s about time we acknowledge that. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck. And in this case, the word fuck is intelligently intertwined into the name of a restaurant in a fun way. Regardless of what happens in the future sign wise, I’m sure Isabella Jolie is loving all of the publicity this got, which I’m sure was her intent in the first place when she devised this great name. They haven’t even opened yet and everybody is already talking about it. She’ll probably get rich selling “Pho Keene Great” merchandise alone. I’m surprised Trump hasn’t tweeted “Make Pho Keene Great Again” already. Well played lady, well played. If I’m ever hungover and in the Keene area I’ll be sure to pop in and say hello. And lastly, fuck any Keene resident that complained about this funny pun on a small sign hanging in a window. You couldn’t be more of a loser if you tried, and I assert with certainty that you pho Keene suck.