Having sex in a place that you aren’t supposed to adds a whole new dynamic to an already great activity. The thrill of getting caught, mixed together with the unorthodox setting, gets the blood flowing to all the right places. For example, I lost my virginity in a playground near my house. Don’t worry, I didn’t fuck a little kid or anything like that. I can assure you that this person was the same age as me, and as much as I would like to lie and brag that it happened during recess or something like that, it was actually in high school after a night of heavy drinking. For whatever reason, we stopped at the playground a few blocks from my house while walking home and decided, “Yeah, this is a good place to fuck”. After a then record breaking 2 minutes and 43 seconds, the deed was done and we went and drunkenly played on the swings and slides until I ended up getting the spins and throwing up all over this park designed for kids ages 5-10. Despite having public sex in a playground adjacent to a school, my story is tame compared to what scenarios some other people have done. But among the tales of classroom, rollercoaster, and plane sex, the real kings of copulation still reign supreme with their far superior experiences. The reason I write about all of this is because there might be a new ass in the daring fuck throne, after pictures and video surfaced showing a Dutch photographer and a model trespassing and (allegedly) doing the nasty on top of The Great Pyramid Of Giza.

I guess to start this off, here is the video he uploaded to Youtube that sparked the entire thing

You can read the full story here, but basically Egyptian authorities are launching an investigation into the authenticity of that video posted to Youtube by Dutch photographer Andreas Hvid. The videos and pictures allegedly show Hvid and a female model scaling the pyramid at night and then having themselves a photoshoot at the top. Initially Egyptian authorities said that the footage is fake, but Hvid has been adamant that the footage is 100% authentic and said he plans on never going back to Egypt because he fears arrest if he does. The reason why I think Egyptian authorities were so quick to dismiss the legitimacy of Hvid’s footage is because they didn’t want to admit that THIS happened on top of one of their most sacred monuments

Andreas you dog! When In Egypt, do as the Egyptians do, and we all know how freaky those folks were. By just taking a quick look at their paintings and writings we know that they were banging human/animal hybrids and fucking eachother in the ass before lube was even invented. Safe to say that things were getting pretty wild along The Nile, so it only makes sense that this Dutch guy would do the same. Oddly, Hvid claims that they didn’t actually have sex in that picture, and instead they were just posing like that. Yeah okay Andreas, whatever you say. I totally believe you because the last thing on my mind when I’m mounting a girl naked is sticking my dick inside of her. I usually just stay still and pose on top of her for some reason, just like you said. Or maybe he had to say this as some sort of plea agreement with Egyptian police, because they didn’t want to believe that some Dutch guy’s cum got squirted all over an important monument that is also the burial place of their ancestors. So I guess it makes sense that they’d want to cover that up, seeing as that would be like me taking a giant shit all over Abe Lincoln’s right cheek on Mt. Rushmore. Either way, we all know they fucked up there.

Going balls deep inside of what I assume is a hot chick on top of one of the pyramids of Giza is something not too many people can say they’ve done, and honestly I would rather be able to say that I’ve done this than walked on the moon. I see a lot of similarities between this Dutch guy and myself, mainly because we both seize whatever opportunities are in front us regardless of how stupid they might be. I might be visiting my cousin in NYC soon, and Andreas has inspired me to try my hardest to get a blowjob on top of the Statue of Liberty’s head. Getting head on Lady Liberty’s head is the American Dream, and I’ll be damned if I don’t one day live out that dream.