I know that Halloween was last week, but this story is too ridiculous to not reflect on. Given the direction of general stupidity that our society is heading in these days, it really was only a matter of time before something like this happened. Long story short, some British woman named Amythyst Realm is engaged to a nameless ghost she fell in love with while on vacation. This all comes after she made quite the revelation on television last year, in which she stated that she cheated on her then fiancé with a ghost, and then went on to have sexual experiences with 20 more of them. Seems legit. There’s a lot to digest here, so let me break it down piece by piece.
I guess to start things off, here is the video that started it all
First things first, I’m not even the least bit surprised that this lady fucks ghosts. Right when I heard that her name is Amythyst Realm, I just knew that this lady loves sucking spirit dicks. With a name like that, she was basically born to do so. Her name sounds like something that a cheesy psychic would refer to themselves as, and who knows, maybe that’s exactly what she is. That would explain how she meets all of these ghosts that she then spreads her legs for. I mean, 20 ghosts in the past year Amythst? Talk about a total spirit slut. Here’s what I imagine every night is like in Amythyst’s room.
Moving on, lets talk about how she began her sexual escapades with ghosts. On TV last December, she told the host that she was engaged with a human when she first had sex with a ghost. She would then go on to say later that her orgasms with ghosts have been way better than she ever had with human partners. So this means that if you’re this chick’s ex-fiance, you have to kill yourself, right? I mean, it’s already bad enough that your girlfriend went and cheated on you with a ghost. But for her to then admit on national television that the ghost was better at sex than you? That must be a real tough pill to swallow, and although it hasn’t happened to me, I assume getting cucked by a ghost is about as ego crushing as it gets. Congratulations: A spirit that can’t even achieve physical form has a bigger dick and a smoother stroke than you. If any of my exes ever tell me that, just hand me the rope and bucket and lets get it over with. And then who knows, maybe I’ll become a ghost and have tons of sex in the afterlife with crazy women like Amythyst here. This whole dying thing is starting to sound not half bad.
Lastly, lets get to her current engagement and upcoming wedding. So apparently she met her betrothed, who doesn’t have a name by the way, while on vacation in Australia. They got acquainted quickly, and they even joined The Mile High Club on the flight back to England. Do you think they had sex right there in their seats, or did they have the decency to fuck in the bathroom like normal people do on airplanes? Something tells me they did the deed right there in their seats, and she likely just looked like a vocal schizophrenic person screaming “Fuck me harder with your ghost cock” while having spasms in her seat. Awkward situation for everybody involved on that flight, but it’s times like that where you just have to put your headphones on loud, order an overpriced mixed drink or 3, and get back to crushing some Solitaire or watching a bootleg movie on your laptop until you land.
Amythyst and the lucky ghost without a name don’t have a date set yet for the big day, but all I know is that I better get an invite to this wedding. My intuition tells me the reception will pretty much be a Halloween party attended by Amythyst’s friends, family, and ghosts. All jokes aside, that sounds like a pretty good time. I’ve never partied with ghosts before, but from this story I’ve gathered that they’re pretty free spirited (knocked that pun out of the fucking park). Seems to me like ghosts are nothing but sexual deviants, and I’ll take getting laid in any way shape or form that I can, whether it be with a physical being or an invisible force that we still don’t understand. Also, I want to get on Amythyst’s good side because we all know how her previous engagements worked out. She’s by no means hot, but she’s way too attractive to be exclusively fucking ghosts. Should this matrimony fail too, I wanna be the first in line to roll around in the sheets with this broad. Any girl that fucks ghosts is definitely a demon in the sack, and the things she’d be down for would make anal seem like a kiss on the cheek. If that means I have to wear a white sheet while we’re fucking to look like a ghost and fulfill her fetish needs so be it. I’ll remain optimistic, but until my chance comes, congratulations to the happy couple: Amythyst and unnamed spirit!