So last night sucked. The Red Sox were playing 75% at best, and that’s obviously not gonna cut it against a team as talented and momentum fueled as the Astros are right now. This is all starting to feel very reminiscent of last year, but thankfully I’m friends with the Men in Black (No big deal, but kind of a big deal) and they let me borrow their mind eraser thing

What was I talking about again? Was it squirrels? Call of Duty 4? The Magna Carta? Ah fuck it, I forget. Anyway, Lil B blessed my twitter timeline with a tweet that put my mind in a pretzel last night and I still haven’t managed to shake it’s content from my brain. Here’s the tweet in its full, awesome form

When I first read the tweet, I did what we all did: Laughed at the absurd nature of it, showed it to my friends, and then carried on with whatever I was doing. But about 10 minutes later I had an Eli Manning-esque expression on my face and the inside of my brain looked like the green coding screen from The Matrix. “Is Lil B onto something here? Is metal actually alive?” my inner voice asked myself repeatedly, whilst I stared off into space and oddly craved some fried pickles. It’s worth mentioning that I’d mistakenly taken a fat rip of my friends dab pen believing that it was a Juul of some sort, so there was no thought or idea that could have been considered too wild to be true at that given time. This weed mixup actually made me call it an early night and Uber home around midnight, but my mind was still thinking about nothing but metal as I laid in bed last night. I hoped that a good nights sleep would release me from this mental prison I now found myself in.

And yet here I am this morning: Sober, slightly hungover, and still thinking about if metal is a living thing or not. My gut reaction is no, but it’s one of those that’s so crazy that it might be true, like that your intestines are a mile long if you were to stretch them out from end to end. Maybe Lil B is right, I mean he is The Based God after all. So this begs the question: Is this the highest thought of all time? I guess I wouldn’t say it’s the highest, but it’s definitely up there. I’ve been high plenty of times, but I’ve never been “Staring at a pole and wondering if it’s alive” high. Lil B doesn’t fuck around, and most importantly, he needs to give me his dealer’s number. I don’t know, just something to think about if you’re as stupid as me.

Football’s only 3 hours away from now, and the mere thought of sitting on my couch and watching Red Zone all day is enough to make me cum without even having to beat my dick like it owes me money. Sorry for that graphic image, but I just thought you had to know that. Pats have Sunday Night Football tonight, and it’s safe to say Sunday Funday will be in full effect. Chiefs? More like queefs. Ha! Classic shit talk right there. Lets fucking get it boys