The Red Sox Are Heading To The ALCS

Despite Craig Kimbrel giving everybody in the Boston area a heart attack while watching the 9th inning last night, the Sox pulled it off and eliminated the Yankees with a 4-3 win in their own park. This series brought everybody back to the glory days of the Red Sox/Yankees rivalry, and most importantly, “Yankees suck” chants. With the exception of Game 2, wherein bitchboy David price looked like a stroke victim that was re-learning how to pitch, this series was a breeze for the large cock Sox. Now I know some of you are probably saying, “But Drunk White Kid, Game 1 was a close game”. Uhh, were you watching the same game? We hopped out to a quick lead and then our own bullpen started scoring runs on ourselves. The Yankees had nothing to do with that “comeback”, it was our incompetent bullpen that did all the grunt work. It wasn’t beautiful, but a win’s a win. Then there’s Game 2, which if I’m being honest I blacked out during and don’t remember much of. All I know is I think the entire bar I was at wanted to form a lynch mob and find David price at one point. Thankfully Game 3 was there to wash away the memories of Game 2. 16-1 is insane. The Yankees lost by 2 touchdowns and then some. In this analogy even if they went for a 2 point conversion on the second TD they still would have only tied the game up. All I can say is yikes. Definitely was a tough night to be a douchebag, I mean a Yankees fan. Ahh who am I kidding, same thing.

And then there was last night. Similar to Game 1 we hopped out to another decent lead. By far my favorite run of the 4 was Christian Vasquez’s solo homerun.

That hit perfectly personifies the embarrassing nature of Yankee Stadium. It look like a routine liner and it somehow managed to make it over the wall. It’s not too hard to break the season homerun record when Stanton and Judge get to take swings on a little league field all year. Rick Porcello pitched his heart out and gave us a solid 5 innings before handing the ball over to the next man up. To a lot of teams we had them on the ropes at 4-0, but we all know our bullpen sucks sweaty dick, so I still wasn’t comfortable with a 4 run lead. Boy was I right. The Yankees were able to chip away a bit and get 1 back on a sac fly in the 5th. The 6th, 7th, and 8th innings were scoreless, and in comes Kimbrel to hopefully close out the game. I don’t know why he wasn’t confident in his fastball last night, but he kept throwing sliders into the dirt which lead to some walks and a hit batter to walk in a run on bases juiced. Despite shitting his pants at first, Kimbrel got the save and the Red Sox won it 4-3.

Now we’re onto a repeat of last year with the defending World Series Champs: The Houston Astros. Am I shook? Yes. The Astros just got done kicking the shit out of the Indians, who were a team that gave us problems this year and have a way better bullpen than we do. The Astros also smoked us last year, and we all know that history has a way of repeating itself. So yeah the Astros are cruising along like a, well, an astro, but this is the postseason and anything can happen. We have home field advantage so if worse comes to worst we’ll have Game 7 at home, and our record at Fenway this season is impeccable. We can sit here and speculate all day and night, but we won’t really know until the pitches start flying and the bats start cracking on Saturday. In Belichick fashion, we’re onto Game 1. #DoDamage

PS: Gotta love porcello putting CC Sabathia in a bodybag after the game. CC Sabathia blamed his bad outing on the umpire Angel Hernandez, who I think we can all agree is a terrible umpire. But Porcello seemed to have no problem tonight and he had this to say about it:

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*Mic drop*

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