The Ryder Cup Tournament was this past weekend but I wouldn’t be shocked if a lot of people weren’t aware of that. I’ve seen no coverage of it and the only reason I knew about it was because I got a Draft Kings alert to set a lineup last Thursday. Perhaps the lack of coverage was a good thing because Team USA got smoked, but we still managed to deliver in other ways. What I mean by that is that Brooks Koepka hit a bullseye on the 6th hole

Ouch. No “Fore!” call there Brooks? What ever happened to golf etiquette? You hate to see to see stuff like this happen, but fortunately for her the ball literally caused her eyeball to explode, so now she only has to worry about seeing 50% of bad things like this. Gotta stay positive like Magic Johnson in a situation like this. I was initially on her side because getting drilled in the face and leaving nothing but an empty eye socket as a result sounds shitty, but then I found out she was suing and now I’ve officially switched my stance to “Fuck this lady”.

In a previous blog I’ve already explained why I have no sympathy for fans getting hit (https://boozeblogs.com/2018/06/13/red-sox-win-foul-ball-case-and-dont-have-to-pay-victim-a-dime/) These cases are pretty similar because they both involve women not paying attention at sporting events, taking a line drive to the face, and then bitching about it afterwards. Color me shocked that this happened again, but I digress. When you’re in the crowd at a sporting event you’re responsible for yourself, plain and simple. This includes paying attention to make sure you don’t get hurt by the fast moving objects that may stray out of the field of play and into the crowd. I mean Jesus Christ lady you were standing on the side of a hole that’s precisely where pro athletes are drilling balls towards. One bad shot and you better be ready to hit the deck like the bank is getting robbed. And if you don’t, that’s on you. Wanna know why you got hit and nobody else did that day? It’s because while the smart folks were busy getting out of the way, you were busy on your phone and stayed in the way. She knew the risk when she decided to stand there, and I know she’s now down an eye and 50% of her vision, but even she should be able to see that she’s in the wrong here. That would be like walking back and forth behind the targets at an archery range and then acting shocked when an arrow enters your chest. What’s next lady, you gonna sue Seaworld because you got wet during an orca show while sitting in the front row? And who would she sue exactly? The Ryder Cup Tournament? Brooks Koepka for hitting a bad shot? Give me a fucking break.

When legendary golfer Chubbs Peterson lost his hand to that gator all those years ago did he consider taking legal action? Hell no. He just made a wooden one and continued on with his life because he understands that he accepted the risk by putting his hand that close to a gator. Now I’m not saying she should make a wooden eye or anything like that, I was actually thinking an eye patch or maybe a Halloween mask to cover her now probably deformed face. See, this could be fun! She could dress like a pirate or wear different Halloween masks all the time and make it her trademark look. Everyday is Halloween on this lady’s calendar. When people see her in public they won’t say things like, “Hey isn’t that the idiot who got hit at The Ryder Cup?”. Instead they would say things like “Hey look, it’s the legendary superhero Batman!” or “Run for your lives, it’s machete wielding slasher movie star Jason Voorhees!”. Did I just fix this woman’s predicament or what? Ofcourse I did, per usual. Thank me later lady. Lastly, try paying better attention from here on out. Apparently you’re a ball magnet, so you might wanna get down on your knees next time to (ironically) avoid balls hitting your face (There’s a sex joke in there if you want there to be).