Over the past year or so the #MeToo movement has exposed numerous celebrities for past examples of sexual misconduct. Now while some of these cases have been warranted (Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer etc.) there have also ironically been some victims of the #MeToo movement. Louis CK is a great example of somebody whose career got completely derailed by accusations from nearly 20 years ago. The reason his name is resurfacing recently is because he did a surprise set at The Comedy Cellar in NYC earlier this week. Naturally, Twitter and all of the Buzzfeed-esque tabloids exploded with outrage. So what was his crime exactly? Seeing as he lost his career over it you would think he raped a baby or something, but the severity of what he actually did couldn’t be further from the heinous nature of baby fucking. All Louis CK did was jerk off in front of women, after asking them if he could by the way, and that’s it. He didn’t touch them or force them to do anything they didn’t want to do. With that knowledge on the table, anybody that thinks he deserves the embellished scrutiny or loss of his career over that can go fuck themselves.

Being the masturbation advocate that I am, I consider it my duty to take up this case pro bono. Now I personally don’t get why somebody would want to jerk off in front of a girl when you could just have her mouth, vagina, and if you’re lucky, asshole massage it for you, but to each their own. So yeah I’ll go on the record and say that I think it’s kind’ve a weird move, but illegal and worthy of being lumped in with the actual Hollywood rapists? Not even close. His accusers all admitted that he asked them if he could do it first and they said yes, so it’s not as if he just whipped it out and started going to town on himself. Also keep in mind that these instances all occurred in a hotel room. I’m no Houdini, but this doesn’t sound like too difficult of a situation to escape from. I know it sounds crazy, but just walk out the fucking door. The most absurd revelation from these accusations was that one of these “assaults” happened over the phone. One of his accusers said that Louis called her one night and was masturbating while on the phone with her. Once again, yeah that’s weird a move, but instead of pretending that you got sexually assaulted and bringing it up 20 years later, how about you just hang up the phone? I know I’m a genius but I feel like doing so would have stopped this “sexual assault” right in it’s tracks.

So why did I write this blog? I wrote this blog because Louis CK is my favorite comedian of all time. Self deprecation is my favorite form of comedy, and Louis is in a league of his own when it comes to it. When the news first broke about him cranking shaft in front of women, most people like me said, “Well, yeah we know. Have you ever listened to one of his comedy specials?”. The guy constantly talked about his affection for jerking off, so it sorta made sense that he’d ask to do his favorite thing in front of women. My main point is that what he did isn’t even close to sexual assault, and I actually consider it a slap in the face to people who have really been sexually assaulted by trying to equate the two. He wasn’t holding a gun to their head, and these “victims” could have just left the room at any point during his little Broadway performances starring his hand and his dick. Another important thing to remember is that when he asked if he could masturbate in front of them they all said yes. Last time I checked thats called consent, so where exactly was the sexual assault here? Anybody that isn’t a feminist retard can see that all that really happened here was a few strange sexual encounters nearly 20 years ago. Nothing more, and nothing less.

Like most people with an affinity for funny comedy, I’m rooting for Louis here. Everybody loves a good comeback story, and coming back after sexual assault accusations is about as tough as it gets in today’s climate. I’ve written before about how it’s important to separate the artist from the art, so even if he had actually done something reprehensible I couldn’t give less of a fuck. If somebody is on stage and making me laugh I don’t care what they do in their personal lives. Regardless of what they have or haven’t done, let’s let comedians be funny and let’s let the feminazi losers that are trying to dethrone them with stuff from the past enjoy their cat and dildo collections. To close out this blog, here’s a fitting clip from his now cancelled TV show involving masturbating. Keep fighting Louis, because all the true fans are still behind you 100%.

PS: Asia Argento, ever heard of her? Well she was one of the actresses who ignited the #MeToo movement and turns out she raped a 17 year old and paid him $380,000 to stay quiet about it. Hypocrisy has never tasted so sweet