I Went To The Beach This Weekend

Here is a recap of some thoughts I had post-Beach:::

-Shoutout to the moon.

the moon is dope. Many people don’t know this but the moons gravitational pull actually causes the tides which causes waves. So without the moon the ocean would just be a cesspool of fish pee and oil spills. The moon doesn’t get enough love

-Why is it OK to pee in the ocean?

And pools for that matter. Like I get it, we’re in water so the water is just washing it away but at the same time we are literally peeing our pants every time we do it, like that pee gets on our thighs and clothes and shit still. Idk just something to ponder

-kites are fucking stupid

I don’t get it. They’re attached to a string and you hold onto it and it is up in the sky dancing and being ragdolled by the wind and shit. What’s the attraction? You can’t race em or fly on em or do tricks, they literally do nothing and I think people who enjoy things I don’t enjoy are stupid and idiots too

-Fuck the sun

Is like to preface this by letting you all know I’m white. (How white are you?) if I were a polar bear moving into a black bear neighborhood the property values would triple. The sun sucks. There’s too much of it. I’d rather less. I got burned as shit yesterday because I don’t fuck with sunblock, I don’t like the smell. Plus I’ve heard condoms will send me to hell. Black people might be onto something with the whole being black thing. The sun ain’t really a problem like it is for us anglos.

-The ocean is a hangover cure

Facts only. I feel late to the party. I was hungover as titty Saturday and Sunday and hangin out in the ocean cured it in legit seconds. Wild shit. Saltwater and motion, what a cool thing.

-It’s OK to be fat at the beach

Everyone is. It’s the only acceptable place to be truly fat. That and the Midwest. But seriously. It’s also the only acceptable place to be near naked in public, wear whatever you want it’s fair game. I like hot chicks better than fat dudes tho for the record, nicer to look at and respect intellectually.

-why aren’t there more thieves at the beach?

If I were to start a career criminal life or a pickpocket life or a stealing shit from other people life I’d start at the beach. People just leave their shit under a towel for hours at a time. Wallets, watches, other shit too. Easy place to steal shit. I’m pro-stealing shit only if it’s your career I don’t fuck with part time thieves or hobbyists.

-Sailboats stink

No smoke here it’s just if I were to get a boat it’d have a motor on it. I wanna go tubing and shit.

-I bet I’d be good at surfing if I tried

No offense to people that suck at most things but I’m pretty much awesome at everything I’ve ever done like blogging for instance. If I went all in on surfing I bet I could compete professionally in less than a year, I have great balance and stamina and killer abs. I do get sea sick though I hope that doesn’t affect anything.

Taking aloe baths are tight I’m told but I’m too homophobic to do it (if you admit homophobia than your not actually homophobic cuz you admitted it I read that in Cosmo) also toxic masculinity. I just don’t wanna bathe in stuff that lubes up gay intertwinery. Sorry guys maybe one day but until then I’ll be in pain and very very red.

Hey what’s black and white and red(read) all over?

A: it doesn’t work when spelled out.

Got hammers today.

-Budd not Buddy

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