Idris Elba Might Be Playing The Next James Bond

“The name’s outrage: Irrational outrage”. Rumors that British actor Idris Elba seems to be the front runner to portray 007 in the upcoming Bond film has been causing plenty of the aforementioned irrational outrage across the Internet for a few weeks now, so I figured I’d offer my 2 cents on the subject. The usual argument I’ve been hearing against Elba hitting the big screen as the legendary secret agent is that he’s black and James Bond has always been played by white actors in the past. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t James Bond a fictional character? He never existed and isn’t a real person, so therefore he can’t have any concrete physical characteristics, right? I guess I could understand people getting their panties in a bunch if it was an actual person who was being portrayed by somebody who is a completely different race than them, but that isn’t the case here. For example, if somebody made a movie about the life of George Washington and Samuel L. Jackson played George Washington, I could definitely see a bunch of historians getting mad about it. That’s not exactly the best example because I would personally watch the fuck out of that movie, but I think you get my point

(Rare footage of General George Washington officially declaring war on Great Britain in 1776)

This take might come as a surprise to some of you given my past responses to similar things like this. I’m a guy who typically likes things to stay the way they are because more often than not less is more. When it comes to changing things there’s a very thin line between unique changes and taking a giant shit on the original premise. I still hate the PC attempts to diversify certain things, such as the feminist remake of Ghostbusters or Marvel making a tranny superhero and all of the stupid shit like that, but this isn’t like those things. Idris Elba is the fucking man and he’s gonna crush it as James Bond. His portrayal of Stringer Bell in The Wire is one of my favorite performances in TV history, so I’m not worried whatsoever about how he’ll handle this Bond role.

Idris Elba is a great choice if the creators of this upcoming Bond movie want a black guy, plain and simple. That being said I think it would also be pretty funny if they cast somebody with zero acting experience that was just a walking black stereotype to play Bond instead. Showing up to secret missions an hour late smoking a Newport with a box of KFC. Running away when he hears police sirens even though they’re actually his backup. You know, stuff like that. I can see it now: “The name’s Bond. Jamal Bond, and I rep Crenshaw, y’all niggas gotta problem with that?” as he lifts up his throwback Allen Iverson basketball jersey and reveals an unregistered handgun tucked into his waistline. Now THAT’S a movie. Anybody have Spike Lee or the Wayans Brothers contact information so I can pitch them this idea? I wanna strike while the iron is hot on this idea so if Spike and the Wayans Bros aren’t on board I might just head into Roxbury and find my own actor so I can get this show on the road. Can’t wait to hear the words “And the Academy Award for Best Movie goes to Black Bond” come next year, and if I don’t win I’ll just accuse the Academy of being racist. It’s a win win situation where I’ll be the one playing the race card for once and not the other way around, and I can’t wait to take part in it. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you a premature look at what I envision James Bond to look like in my movie


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