So last week I blogged about Denver Riggleman, a Virginia congressman that loves reading erotic Bigfoot novels (https://boozeblogs.com/2018/07/31/a-virginia-congressman-wants-to-fuck-bigfoot/). On the surface you would think that hopefully a guy reading books about fucking Bigfoot would take the cake for weirdest person running for office, but that’s where you’d be wrong. It turns out Denver Riggleman may have been dethroned by this man: Nathan Larson
So just who is this Nathan Larson guy exactly? Well he’s a former accountant that has decided to throw his hat into the Virginia congressional race as an independent candidate. Okay, seems reasonable. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that he’s an admitted pedophile, wants to legalize marital incest and rape, thought that both Hitler and The Taliban did great things for their respective countries, and he is currently devising all of his campaign strategies from the comfort of his parents basement. Definitely some bold stances, but somehow the least crazy one on that list is that he’s a pedophile. I say that because there’s currently a movement to make pedophile a protected sexual orientation to add onto the already far too long acronym LGBTQ. Think I’m kidding? Here’s a Ted Talk about it
People want to normalize pedophilia now? Disgusting. Just plain disgusting. Anyway, news about Nathan Larson actually came out back in June , but I’ve just been a little caught up with this girl I’ve been seeing so I haven’t had the chance to write about it. Call me whipped or whatever, but it’s summer vacation for her right now and I figured I should probably spend as much time with her as I can before she starts middle school in the fall. Fortunately for me she’s currently getting her braces tightened and then has soccer practice after, hence how I finally found the time to blog about this addition to an already insane congressional race. Girls: Can’t live with em, can’t live without em. Am I right fellas?
Between this guy, the wannabe Bigfoot lover, and a lady with the last name that is a synonym for penis fire, the congressional candidates in Virginia are about as ridiculous as wearing a condom while having sex with strangers. On one hand, you have the aforementioned Larson who is basically pro everything you should not support, and also still lives in his parents basement at the age of 37. Next up you have a guy that gets off to reading about getting down and dirty with Bigfoot, and not only is he running, he’s the encumbent and the district’s current sitting congressman . Lastly you have Leslie Cockburn: A woman whose last name is also a very common symptom of gonnorhea, and as you can probably tell from my above comment about not wearing condoms, a symptom I know all too well. Call me sexist or whatever, but I honestly had no idea women had the right to vote, let alone run for office. The more ya know I guess. This race is definitely a contentious one with a variety of bad choices to decide from, but all jokes aside I think my smoking hot 12 year old girlfriend and I are gonna have to side with Nathan Larson on this one. #LoveIsLove