I Wash My Hands 10% Of The Time After I Piss

And that’s being generous. Seriously, I never wash my hands.

Washing your hands is actually bad for your health if you ever read a book. It’s called antibodies, Google it. When you wash your hands it’s technically making your hands softer and more penetrable for germs and bacteria and shit which can get in your body and mess your immune system up. When you don’t wash your hands all that dead skin and dirt and grime and hamburger juice and stray piss actually protects your body from the hazardous germs out there in the world. So I’m actually healthier than all the losers out there who wash their hands. And cleanlier visa-vie the Pythagorean theorem. Don’t argue it’s science I have statistics on my side. You know who washed their hands all the time? Howard Hughes and look what happened to him, he got in a couple plane crashes.

After dropping knowledge on you like a klutzy school teacher to un-disgust you I’d like to share my reasoning’s. It’s more cuz fuck it, who has the time? Honestly the only time I wash my hands is if they’re legit disgusting and I’m long overdue or if I took a shit and got a little bit on me while wiping. Or if there’s an attractive female in the vicinity because thems the rules. Washing your hands in front of a woman makes them think you’d be good at sex I’ve been told. If I’m in a bathroom and a guy gives me a sideways look for not washing I usually just ignore him cuz he’s probably a loser anyway.

Thinkin about hopping back on the blog grind. I used to run the block til I bought a treadmill.

-Budd Dwyer.


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