The pussification of America continued at full throttle today as Lowell Public Schools decided to cancel classes because it’s too hot outside. Wait, what? I thought I was reading an Onion article at first, but apparently society is so soft these days that we’re cancelling school for warm weather now. Forecasts from a few days ago estimated that Massachusetts was supposed to reach 100 degrees today, but like always, they ended being way off. It is 85 degrees and windy in Boston right now. Fucking beautiful out, so I’m irrationally mad that these Lowell kids got a free day off for no reason.

I know I sound like a bitter old man, but back in my day we went to school no matter how hot out it was. And guess what? No school I ever went to had air conditioning. I know it’s a crazy concept, but how about we tell these kids to suck it up and just sweat while hating school like everybody throughout history also had to do. Plus I went to catholic school so I couldn’t even wear a t shirt and shorts like these kids can. I had to wear a uniform everyday that consisted of a cotton polo shirt and grey pants that were as thick as sweatpants. I would sweat balls in the middle of winter in that uniform, so I’ll let you imagine what it was like once the hot weather came around. We’d be lucky if there was even a fan going in most of the classrooms at my school that was built in 1903. In fact one time during a heat wave in 5th grade, a bunch of kids passed out from heat stroke during gym class because the gym was no joke like 110 degrees. Being a catholic school, they got away with it just like they got away with raping alterboys. I wish that happened in this day and age because I could probably sue the school district for $10 million and win. Talk about a missed opportunity.

I’m not saying I want kids to suffer, I just want them to learn an important life lesson, and that lesson is that life sucks sometimes. Everybody has had to sit through a school day in a hot classroom before and you assholes should have to too. It builds character to go through times that are uncomfortable, and it makes you appreciate air conditioning that much more when you finally get home. In summation: The school officials are giant vaginas for cancelling school, and the kids are as soft as baby shit for displaying to the school officials that they couldn’t handle hot weather in the first place.