Red Sox Win Foul Ball Case And Don’t Have To Pay “Victim” A Dime


Everybody in Massachusetts cheered today after a jury ruled that The Red Sox were not guilty of any wrongdoing in what has become known around here as “The Foul Ball Case”. Basically some lady got hit by a foul ball back in 2014, and even though it’s 100% her fault that she tried catching the ball with her face, she decided to sue The Red Sox for $9.5 million. This case resulted in most ballparks installing nets everywhere that are extremely annoying and ruin the view of the game, so I think we all agree that this lady sucks and ruined baseball worse than it already had been ruined.

Hey lady, here’s an awesome idea on how to not get hit by a foul ball: Pay the fuck attention. She claims she was paying attention, but I call bullshit. I guarantee she was sending a Snapchat or something stupid like that, and while everybody else got out of the way like normal people, she ended up taking a line drive to the face. Come on lady, you should’ve atleast put your hand up and made an effort like this kid did

When you buy your ticket, it clearly says on the back that fans should be aware of their surroundings at all times. Believe it or not, that printed statement is in reference to the foul balls that come flying into the stands all the time. So instead of suing the team because of her own stupidity, she should’ve just owned up to the fact that it was her fault that a baseball broke her face. A few years, ago a broken bat flew into the stands and slit a woman’s throat. She almost bled to death, and she didn’t even sue! You know why? Because she’s a good sport. She understands that shit happens, and if you’re at a baseball game you might get hit by something. It’s all part of the experience if you ask me.

What pissed me off the most about this story was how much money she wanted. Nine and a half million bucks because you weren’t paying attention and/or were too stupid to get out of the way? Nah, maybe next time lady. She also lives in Brookline, which is a somewhat affluent suburb of Boston. It’s all college kids and people with nice houses, so there’s a good chance she’s rich anyway. She probably could’ve squeezed an easy million out of the Red Sox if she settled out of court, but she got greedy and lost it all like a dumbass.

Suing has unfortunately become common practice in this country, but it always does my heart good when I see people lose cases like this. I’ll extend an olive branch and admit getting hit in the face by a foul ball hit by a Big Papi probably sucks, but that’s why you should pay attention. At the very least just be drunk enough that it won’t even hurt, and smile about the fact that you’re probably gonna be on TV. If you give stupid people an inch they’ll take a mile, so I love that the jury applied common sense and told this lady to get lost. This was a win for the common man, and I’ll drink to a win for the common man any day.


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