The Washington Capitals Are Stanley Cup Champions, Making Me One Step Closer To Eating My Own Dick

I was gonna write this blog after The Bruins got eliminated, but I decided to wait until the playoffs were over. For the first time in the team’s 44 year history, The Washington Capitals are Stanley Cup champions after defeating the Las Vegas Golden Knights 4-3 tonight. Seeing as the Caps had never won before and Vegas is a new team, this final series would have had a great outcome either way, and I say that despite now being one step closer to eating my own dick. If you don’t understand what I mean by that, read this blog ( Since the Celtics and Bruins both did not win their respective finals like I confidently proclaimed they would, I’m now fully reliant on the Red Sox and Patriots to save my genitals. Morale is a bit low, but the booze is helping me stay calm (for now).

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but I really am happy about this win because I love Ovechkin. He’s easily the best player of Of this generation, and anybody that thinks that pussy Crosby is better should go sit on a cactus. “The Great 8” plays balls to the wall every single game, and it would be a damn shame if a player like him retired without ever hoisting Lord Stanley. Ovechkin finally getting to hold the Cup got me pumped up, but not nearly as excited as this fan who decided to pull her tits out.Congratulations to Ovi and the rest of the Caps on a great year and an even better finish. Enjoy it while you can because everybody know the Bruins are taking it all next year, but this was undoubtably the #CapsYear

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