I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it appears that the annual Miss America Pageant is officially dead. The chairwoman of the contest announced that there will no longer be a swimsuit portion starting in 2019, and every straight dude and lesbian across the country gave a collective thumbs down upon hearing the news.
She went on to say that this decision was made as a result of the #MeToo movement, and that they’re aiming to judge contestants based on more than their appearance by being more inclusive to women of all sizes (which means ugly fat chicks).
Although I haven’t watched the contest since I was a little kid and hadn’t yet discovered porn, this kinda sucks. The Miss America Pageant is as American as apple pie and mass shootings, and without the bikini part there’s really no point of having it anymore. I’m a simple man, and the more clothes a woman has on the less interested I am in her. Watching a bunch of fat chicks answer questions and juggle or whatever else they do isn’t entertainment, it’s actually a low-level form of torture. Good luck getting people to watch the pageant with this new format, and they’ll learn the hard way when the ratings suck.
They can lie to themselves all they want and say that it isn’t a beauty contest, but that’s exactly what it is and what it’s always been. Don’t piss on my leg and try to tell me it’s raining by saying looks don’t matter in this thing when they 100% do. People only watch the pageant because there are very hot girls in it, and the winner of the contest is always whatever contestant everybody wants to fuck the hardest. The only reason they have the question and talent segments is so everybody can laugh at how dumb these broads are. Why would I care what some hot blonde chick that reads at an 8th grade level has to say about conflict in the Middle East? I don’t, and just like everybody else I’m only watching because I’m hoping for a nip slip at some point.
If the contest really isn’t about looks now, are they gonna hire blind judges too? It’s the only way to judge fairly if looks play no role in the scoring, so I’m gonna call bullshit on the whole thing if the judges don’t have walking sticks and seeing eye dogs next year.
Once again, we let our guard down and allowed PC culture to claim its latest victim. If staring at hot girls wearing skimpy bikinis is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. Another thing I’m confused about is what do the contestants think about this whole thing? I know they’re dumb, but they can’t actually be dumb enough to think people watched to hear their opinions, right? They know they’re eye candy, and I assume they love the attention since they’ve been getting it their entire lives. Also, if this contest is sexist, what are the so-called “slut walks” that feminists are always so proud about? Wearing a bikini in a contest is wrong, but walking around in the street with a bikini and sometimes even less clothing while calling yourselves sluts is okay? Got it. If feminists didn’t have double standards, they wouldn’t have any standards at all.