As some of you might know, I’ve already solved the issue of school shootings in a previous blog (https://boozeblogs.com/2018/03/26/we-should-ban-schools-in-order-to-stop-school-shootings/) For some reason, people aren’t putting my plan into action, and are still rattling off ridiculous ways to stop school shootings. A few days ago, Diane Black, a Tennessee congresswoman who is also running for governor, entered the “cause of school shootings” conversation with a hot take.

That’s right guys: Turns out it was porn the whole time that caused kids to walk into school armed to the teeth and kill their classmates. PORN! Never have I felt this betrayed by something I love so much. I always thought school shootings were caused by a combination of mental health issues, lax gun laws, bullying, weak school security, glorification of criminals etc. but nope, I was wrong. Turns out watching naked people fuck is what causes school massacres, and we can all thank Diane for getting to the bottom of things. Diane also said that accessibility to porn is a huge problem, citing that porn is available on grocery store shelves everywhere. I don’t know what kinda grocery stores she lives near, but I kinda wanna start shopping there. Also, has she ever heard of the internet? I doubt it, because if she’s nervous about porno mags in grocery stores, she’d be horrified to see what types of videos I watch on the internet about 3 times a day. “Stepmom and stepsister have a 3 way with stepson”? COUNT ME IN!

At the risk of explaining the obvious, this lady is an idiot. I don’t know about you guys, but the only thing I like to shoot after watching porn is a load of cum onto a paper towel. The last thing on my mind after rubbing shaft is murdering people, so Diane can take her porn blaming and shove it up her ass (Not sexually though, because masturbating is wrong). If I didn’t masturbate constantly in highschool, maybe I would’ve Columbine’d the place. Who knows? But all I really know is that jerking off is awesome, it doesn’t cause school shootings, and I’m about to go jerk off and then not shoot up a school.

PS: 100% this chick watches just as much porn as I do, because just like me, no way she gets laid on a regular basis