In what felt like Christmas Morning for millions of degenerate gamblers like myself, The Supreme Court declared the federal ban on sports gambling unconstitutional today. What this means is that individual states can now make their own rules regarding betting on sports. Here’s an accurate look at me when I first read the news this morning

If you haven’t already figured it out, I have a bit of a gambling problem. In fact, I’ll throw $100 on myself at 10/1 odds that I have a bigger gambling problem than you do. Up until this point I’ve bet exclusively through bookies and the Chinese website Bovada, both of which are shadier than the base of a tree on a summer day. Even though everybody was always doing it anyway, huge shoutout to the state of New Jersey for winning the case and finally ending Las Vegas’s monopoly on gambling. It sucks I live in MA though, because I guarantee they end up taxing the shit out of it and I end up using my bookie still #TaxEvasion. Although I am happy, I also know that this is gonna be the best/worst thing that ever happened to me. The reason why I’m saying this is good and bad is because gambling is now way easier, which explains both of those outcomes. I’m glad that people will finally be able to bet without using shady internet sites and mafia bookies, but now my paychecks are gonna disappear overnight from meaningless sporting events. “Oh shit, the Orioles and Blue Jays are playing tonight? Even though I know nothing about either team, I better throw $50 on the Orioles +1.5” -Me the whole summer. To sum it all up, this is a huge win for human rights, and huge loss for my wallet.

#Pray4DrunkWhiteKid