Some Lady In Texas Won $1.2 Million From An $18 Dollar Kentucky Derby Bet

Are you looking for somebody new to hate because you’re so jealous of them? Well look no further, because here she is

Basically she did an $18 “Pick 5” parlay at her local race track, that included The Kentucky Derby, and walked away with $1.2 million. Being the genius that I am, I did some quick math (Took roughly 5 minutes or so) and realized she increased her money by 66,666%. As a degenerate gambler myself: FUCK. That’s awesome for her, but it makes me wanna dive into an oncoming train because of my Derby bets this weekend. Seeing as I want to kill myself, I’ll let you use context clues to figure out how my bets went.

Do I know anything about horses? No, not really. I know that they make a “nay” sound, but that’s about it. Did that stop me from betting a lot of money on The Kentucky Derby? Ofcourse not. I started drinking at noon on Saturday for Cinco de Mayo, so naturally I logged into my Bovada account around 4 and placed horrible drunk bets on random horses. I did this because I have what is called a gambling problem, and the best part about it is I didn’t even end up watching the race. Instead, I just got the ESPN update on my phone and it immediately ruined my day because I didn’t win a single bet (I hate you My Boy Jack). Odds were 30/1 on him though, so I would’ve caked out if My Boy Jack showed some hustle instead of racing like he was waiting in line at the DMV. Anyway, congrats to Margaret Reid on her $1.2 million, but I think I speak for myself and all alcoholic degenerate gamblers out there when I say, “I hate you”.

3 comments

  1. Lol who needs the news when you’ve got Drunk White Kid! Any way man, keep writing! Your work can carry on for generations, and maybe even longer!! Your put your heart in it, and I appreciate that. And your heart is in the right place, and I am really happy that your trying to clean up your language. Have a blessed day, never stop blogging!

    Liked by 1 person

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