Happy Cinco de Mayo to all the Mexicans out there, and happy Drinko de Mayo to all of the non-Mexican boozebags like me who can’t wait to party today for absolutely no reason. Today is a day that should be filled with celebration and heavy drinking no matter what your ethnic background is, but unfortunately there are plenty of party poopers out there. These aforementioned party poopers are called social justice warriors, and I’ve already outlined my hatred for them in my preceding Fenway blog. Social justice warriors have a problem with non Mexican people celebrating Cinco de Mayo because they consider it “cultural appropriation”, which is a made up buzzword that offended pussies use. Here’s the official definition of this stupid SJW term
So basically it’s saying that nobody should be allowed to do, wear, or say anything from cultures that aren’t their own, because that somehow creates equality or something. How? Doesn’t that just further engrain the belief that we’re different and should be segregated by our backgrounds? America is a melting pot of people and cultures, and that’s what makes us such a great nation. We should be encouraging people to adopt customs from different cultures, not shaming it.
Just for shits and giggles, let me attempt to take this stance seriously for a second (Which is honestly hard to do because it’s such an ass backwards way of thinking). White people shouldn’t celebrate Cinco de Mayo because we aren’t Mexican, therefore we shouldn’t use their Independence Day as an excuse to party. Okay, fair enough. When St. Patrick’s Day comes around next year, nobody except for people with 100% Irish ancestry can drink beer or wear green. If I see any Mexican people wearing a “Kiss me I’m Irish” shirt or shamrock stickers on their face, I’m gonna punch them for appropriating my culture. It’s only fair, right? Similarly, if I walk past a restaurant and see a black person eating spaghetti and meatballs, I’m gonna run in there and smack the bowl off the table and scream, “You aren’t Italian, stop appropriating their culture!” right in their face. A Chinese guy wearing a cowboy hat and overalls? Not on my watch. Unless you’re a cowboy, you shouldn’t be appropriating cowboy culture by dressing like one because it’s offensive to real cowboys. Am I social justice warrioring right? I must be, because I sound like an unhinged fucking idiot that should be locked up in mental hospital.
This term pisses me off so much and I can’t wait to be ignorant as fuck today just to spite all the losers who complain about shit like this. I’m gonna be double fisting Coronas and eating tacos all day while wearing a sombrero and a fake mustache, just because I know it drives SJW’s crazy. If you think “cultural appropriation” is a real thing and you have the right to tell people what they can or can’t wear or do, you should appropriate Japanese samurai culture and seppuku yourself (Suicide via sword turning in the stomach until you disembowel yourself). Adopting cultures is part of being a human being, and if your culture is good, you should want others to use and “steal” from it. Cultural appropriation is a stupid term, and it should be called cultural appreciation if anything. Do whatever you want, and fuck anybody that tells you differently. Enough about that: I’ve got cervezas to drink , tacos to eat, and culture to appropriate. It’s a beautiful day for my white friends and I to celebrate Mexican Independence, and I hope my liver is ready for a workout. Whether you are actually Mexican, or are just using today as an excuse to rip tequila shots and blackout before 5 PM, feliz Cinco de Mayo everybody.