On May 3rd, 2003, the world lost a true legend by the name of The Old Man On The Mountain. Everybody outside of New England probably has no idea what I’m talking about, but Old Man On The Mountain was a giant rock formation that vaguely looked like a face on the side of a cliff in The White Mountains of New Hampshire. It was a major tourist attraction in New Hampshire, which is actually pretty sad if you think about it. Then one sad morning, he got the opposite of a facelift and came crashing to the ground. I don’t have the exact numbers, but New Hampshire’s tourism probably went down by like 50% after the cliff collapsed, and I’m honestly surprised they haven’t tried to build another one to save face (Patting myself on the back for that pun).

There’s really no reason to go to New Hampshire unless you’re going skiing, buying fireworks, stockpiling booze to avoid MA sales taxes, or trying to buy/sell a firearm that can’t be easily traced back to you. The state motto is “Live Free or Die” for a reason, and people in New Hampshire don’t give a fuck. When it comes to NH “The more north you go, the more south it gets”, and once you get past the White Mountains, the Deliverance banjo song is playing everywhere you go. I would say visit Hampton Beach, but you should probably avoid that place nowadays unless you like stepping on heroin needles or seeing fat chicks skinny dipping.

We all die someday, even rocks apparently. Like his name suggests, he was an old man so atleast he lived a long life on the side of that cliff. People used to flock to take his picture and point at him while saying things like, “I don’t really see a face” or “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen”, but discussing his likeliness to an actual face is an argument for another day. I will not tarnish this former elderly rocks name on the day of his death. That has bad karma written all over it, and I’d probably end up getting crushed to death by his son when he eventually collapses as revenge. RIP Old Man On The Mountain, and thank you for being a below average local tourist attraction for years.