Dominos Has Pizza Insurance Now?

If you own a TV, chances are you’ve seen this new Dominos commercial

First of all, that guy’s an idiot. He looked like he’d never encountered ice before, and went head over heels like a drunk mannequin that slipped. Next time shuffle those feet and hold onto that pizza box for dear life dude, it’s more important than your well-being. Dominos has always thought outside the box (Oreo pizza back in the day was unreal), but this is one of their most ridiculous schemes yet. Pizza insurance? What the fuck is happening? Now I’m too lazy to do any research on the details of the insurance plan, so I’m admittedly using context clues here. Based on the commercial, it sounds like you can bring back your pizza if you’re too stupid to carry one without destroying it. If you do this, they’ll give you a new one to reward your mistake and overall clumsiness while transporting pizza.

I knew society was stupid, but this is a new low even for us. We’ve gotten to the point where we’re insuring pizza now. Really think about that for a second. Dominos thinks/knows people are so clumsy and stupid, that they’re offering insurance for the sauce and cheese covered dough they sell us. Accidents happen, and I get that. Dropping something like an ice cream cone or a baby is understandable, but a pizza? It comes in a giant box for fucks sake. Unless you have multiple schlerosis and you’re constantly shaking like you’re freezing to death, there’s really no excuse for dropping and ruining an entire pizza. Just buy the pizza, pick it up, and walk out of the store. There’s no reason to leave Dominos and suddenly do this

All that being said, I’m 100% in on this idea only because I know it’ll save it me when I’m shitfaced one night. I talk a lot of shit and call people clumsy and stupid, but in reality I’m the exact type of person who needs pizza insurance. Self awareness is important, so good for me on calling myself out as the uncoordinated idiot that I am. Well I’m gonna order a pizza now, and since it’s insured apparently, I don’t even have to be careful with it. Might fuck around, throw a slice in the air, and try to catch it in my mouth like Shaggy and Scooby used to do. Man I love those guys, and I’m about to get stoned and eat just like they always did.

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