My House Is Being Invaded By Ants

Insects suck, that much we know. They’re small, serve no purpose, and are very good at pissing people off. Over the past few weeks, my house has been under siege by ants and I have no idea what to do. It started in my bathroom about 3 weeks ago, and I would notice an ant or two every now and again while taking a shit. I found an old bottle of Listorene under the sink that they were apparently attracted to it, because I shit you not the entire bottle was covered with ants. I killed all of those ones and then threw the bottle away, thinking the ant issue was now resolved. But apparently the few I didn’t kill have been fucking like crazy, because before I knew it my house was covered in ants. Bathroom ants became more frequent, and every single time I go to take a piss there’s always an ant chilling in the toilet. I then quickly take aim, and piss all over these toilet ants while laughing maniacally to myself. Drowning ants with my piss is actually kinda fun, and it’s probably the only positive thing I’ve experienced since the ants took over my house. I’ve been killing about 10 ants a day for the past week, and it seems like I’m not even putting a dent in their population. I put out these sticky ant trap things all over the place, but I’ve caught myself more times than I’ve caught ants. I step on a trap atleast once a day, and they’re kind’ve a pain in the ass to get off your foot. I also carpet bombed my house with Raid, but these ants most be wearing gas masks or some shit because they’re still roaming around like they own the place.

I’ve been doing a ton of ant research recently to try to figure out their weaknesses or something, but so far no luck. In short, I’m getting outsmarted by a bunch of ants and I can’t fucking stand it. Ants for fucks sake! These stupid inch long black things are literally taking over my house and there’s nothing I can do about it. These assholes should start paying rent and chipping in on the cable bill if they’re gonna keep this up, because I basically have a hundred roommates now that don’t pay me. If anybody has some suggestions on how to win this war I’m waging against ants, leave your advice in the comment section. I’m about a week away from just burning my house down out of spite, so hopefully I kill all of these dicks soon before it gets to that point. I’ll keep you guys updated, but the outlook isn’t looking good so far. It’s the the ants house now, and I’m just a co-resident.

fuck ants.jpg

2 comments

  1. If you have a tree on either side of your house, they’re traveling back and forth. Put some poison at the source, and fuck those little bastards up.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dude you’re right: There are trees on both sides of my house. Wanna Know what will happen if I contact Boston Housing Authority about it? They’ll tell me to fuck off, because they have shootings in Roxbury to worry about

    Like

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